floating | ✓

26| claire

Claire was a weird character. She tripped and fell on her face, she sang her favorite songs loudly, not caring if people were listening to her tuneless horrible singing, she came to classes late and made the teacher laugh. She lit up everywhere she went.

I was having a lot of fun.  Soon the freshman year ended and Sam, my big brother, left for college. I was a little bit down. Claire was the one who came to my house to fill up the emptiness. She literally crashed on our drawing room couch and ate everything that she could find. She used to steal my chocolates.

Mom knew she was a little bit crazy, and she didn’t mind.

Soon school started again, and I somehow got myself a boyfriend. Dean Hathaway wouldn’t stop following me around if I didn’t say yes to a date with him. It was weird for me. I had never been asked out before.

There she was, Gwen Bradburry, with a boyfriend and a best friend, having the best time of her life. She wasn’t alone anymore. She had a boyfriend who’d kiss her on the cheeks, and she had a best friend who’d make her trip and fall and help her stand strong as well.

Dean and I used to go out on dates. I used to try to put on makeup. Claire and I watched makeup tutorials together. Then we tried to copy that. Instead of looking glam we always ended up looking like pandas. Dean used to find us and shook his head hopelessly while we laughed our butts off.

And then, things started going downhill.

First it went down between Dean and I. We somehow grew distant as days went and our relationship... well, you know the story.

I decided not to say anything to Claire about it, and there were reasons. I had a boyfriend, then suddenly I didn’t, and my best friend didn’t even ask me about it.

Claire was there, but she really wasn’t there anymore. She didn’t talk to me like before. She didn’t crash at my house randomly. She vanished during lunch time, and some days she didn’t even come to school.

One day, I worked up the courage to ask her if everything was okay with her.

Everything wasn’t okay with me. I had a bad breakup. In my house I was lonely. Despite having a best friend, I felt alone, and I didn’t have anyone to talk to.

Claire frowned a little at my question. Then she said, “Nothing is going on.”

She didn’t ask me anything.

I started getting flashbacks of what happened between me and Faye. So I stopped trying.

I had really sad days, thinking I was alone and nobody cared about me. My parents were too busy with themselves and their work. My brother was gone. My friend was not really my friend.

There were days when I didn’t even want to wake up from sleeping. I spent all day in my bed tucked under the blankets, thinking how life sucked.

One day, I was having a terrible, terrible day. I cried for no reason, and I was having bad thoughts. I was starting to hate myself, and I just needed, really needed someone to talk to.

I called Claire. She didn’t pick up. I tried to find her online. I saw the green light beside her name. I texted her.

“I’m feeling terrible. Can you please call me?”

She didn’t. Later I saw her posting an Instagram story of memes. Yet, she didn’t check my text.

So I gave up.

It was hurtful. It was bad. It taught me a lesson too. I know that now.

But when I was at that place, with those thoughts, at that time it only made everything worse.