Lethal lust • Spencer Reid fan fiction

drowning

I sit there at the table looking at all these women, And i cannot help but notice that they all have black hair and blue eyes. He killed everyone who he saw that looked like me, just because he couldent have me.

I spent hours, trying to find a clue, a sign, something. I feel lost in my own head. Im normally the one who figures everything out, im supposed to be smart. Im supposed to be better then this. The only lead i have is they look like me or have the slightest bit of detail i posses. 

I go up to the location board and mark where the each went missing, which is a 50 mile radious. So either there right under my nose or he dumped them somewhere farther away. 

I go back to the pictures when i notice a very small detail on one of the women. She lived like five minutes away. So morris has been this close to me all this time. 

I feel like im missing something. I mean for all i know these women could be alive. We havent found any bodys, so there is a small posibilty that there out there somewhere. I know i cannot do this by myself, but im to afraid to ask for help. 

I pace around the room. I notice the blinds are open so i run over and close them. I let out a breath and then i walk back over to reality. I sit at the table for another hour trying to fdin a connection or anything, i have everything i need i just cannot focus. But i dont have any other choice too. I feel like im thinking too much, i have too much going on in my head.

It starts to make me anxious, i mean what if i cannot figure this out and those girls never get found an they just die, i mean what am i supposed to tell there parents? "Oh yeah im too much of a mental ill person i cant figure out why 11 girls went missing, im sorry." Like i cant ask for help because.. well i dont know i just cant. 

I dont get why this has to be so hard, and i dont get why i cannot just clear my head.Maybe its the fact Morris blurted out i was raped and that was recorded and now the whole world knows or maybe the fact i havent taken my medicine today.

Im too weak to go get up and take them, ill be fine without them, i think. I still dont know how Morris even knew those things, i never told him anything personal, ever. And i never told anyone about it ever because i was afraid of breaking the family apart. I sit there being the emotional wreck i am forgetting about the case, its not like i could figure it out on my own. 

I sit there and just let my thoughts get deeper and more darker. I sit at the table with my hands in my hair and my elbows on the table. I have this urge to start yanking my hair out and cry. But i have to keep it together. 

Spencer and Morgan bash through the door. "What?!" I ask before looking up. They look concerned and worried. I stand up. "What?" I ask in a softer tone. "So shes been in here the whole time and we thought someone kidnapped her? Im out." Morgan says before he walks out. "What have you been doing in here for the past 5 hours??" he asks walking over to the table.

"trying to figure out what to say to these girls parents because im not able to find them." I say in a depressing voice sitting back down. "Well, i mean the whole team was here to help, i would glady help you." He suggests. The images of the girls fill my head, all the imformation i have obtained in the past few hours crowds my head, and the thing is non of it adds up. "I cant do this Spencer." I whisper trying to clear my head.

"What do you mean? I mean hypothetically it just another case-" "No Spencer you dont understand. I havent taken my medicine today and i feel like im drowning in my own pool of thoughts, And non of them add up and its pissing me off!" I express tossing the papers off the table out of rage. I tear slipped, i wiped it of my face. "Gracie, you cant do everything, and i know you want to but, we have to figure this out as a uh.. team." 

I exhale and turn around. "But they already left for home. So i have no other option but to figure this out, and i cant, because.. well because i cant focus, and-and its like im drowing in my own fucking head!" I sob. A headache starts to erupt in my mind. I rage out and tear down the map from the board. Then i start to rip up the pictures, Spencer quickly pulls me away from the table. I kick and throw my arms, But is grip is too tight on me. I run out of energy to try and do anything else. I pant trying to catch my breath. 

"Whats wrong with me?" I say breaking into a sad emotional mess. He stokes my hair. "Nothings wrong with you. Your perfect in my eyes, you just a little bit broken, and i get that." He says calming me down. I zone out and stair at this one picture of one of the girls. When i notice. She has the same necklace i once had when i was with Morris. 

My eyes widen, I jump out of his arms and grab the picture. "Thats it!" I say. "Thats my necklace! And notice how shes wearing a ring!" I say shuffling through the pictures to find one of the other victims has the same ring. "He takes jewlrey from his victims and re gifts them, So this tells us who died in what order. But that.. Wont help me find them. God i hate myself." I say before throwing the pictures in the air and then making a dramatic exit do take my medicine.