The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The PCL Threat

The words Hayden told me yesterday still reverberate in my mind like a loose peanut inside its shell - malformed, slightly chewy, and rancid, but unforgettable.

A PCL, or "Plot Canon Love" as it is known in the bad boy support forums, is one of the most, if not the most, existential threat to our laissez-faire way of life. The PLC is also commonly defined as "The One," "The Click," "The Zing," or "The Good Girl." But since every other name romanticizes this curse, we call it the PCL.

When a bad boy meets their PCL, the whole universe, destiny, and plot will work towards putting the both in wacky, funny, and romantic situations that either turns out in them getting together, or one or the both of them dying, depending on the writer's fancy for comedy or tragedy.

Think the good girl Juliet to the bad boy Romeo. Romeo has a mighty good life being a bad boy with his homeboys Benvolio and Mercutio, crushing vajayjay and getting into parties, slaying Capulets, until he met Juliet and the plot happened. Three days later, he got married and participated in the most romantic murder/suicide this side of Florida. That is the PCL's power. Bad boys can't fight their power.

If, and that's a big if, Lee Vazquez is my PCL, that means that I can kiss my tranquil school life goodbye. And the way things are moving, I could even kiss my life goodbye, period. God, I wanna kiss her.

No, bad Ayden! Stay focused. Lucky for me, today is Friday - i.e I can say goodbye to being around Vazquez for the weekend. That's how it works.

But why is the first class of the day P.E, and with her class to booth? I can't think of anything else but her slender, curvaceous body, like a treacherous mountain pass, stretching just a few feet from mine; her wavy hair, shimmering like an oil spill on the gulf, all tied in a bun, like the innards of the fishes swimming there; her-

Something bonks me on the head, hard enough to make me snap out of it.

"I know that look," says Hayden, picking up the football he perfectly spirited against my head. "You're thinking of her, aren't you?"

"Yeah, thanks for the percussive therapy," I say.

Yesterday, we made a deal. Every time I get lost in thought thinking about Lee, he will smack me in the head as hard as possible. Think of it as returning the favor from that whole boyfriend fiasco. I, in return, will not call him a big chungus for doing so.

He places his bologna arm around me, spinning the football effortlessly with his other hand. "Ain't nothing I can't do for my best bud, brother. Besides, every excuse to slam you hard with my balls is a good one."

"Omg, did you hear that?" says Laila, somewhere behind me. I can feel her moist, rotten breath. "Ayden is a bottom."

"Ugh, I wanna be Hayden's bottom ugh," says Leeland, just beside her. "But I'm sure Ayden is a powerbottom."

I try to get away from him, but that only makes him grip me harder. "Dude, think before you speak."

"thinking is for losers, geeks, and people who watch movies with subtitles," says Brayden, who, until now, has been sitting by the bleachers thumbing his phone. "daddy says that real leaders only listen to their guts, their dicks, or their heart, in that order. that's why that's what he takes from snitches."

"Want me to smash my balls on him as well?" asks Hayden.

"Omg!" says Leila. "Did you hear that? Brayden is also in on the action!"

"And Hayden asked Ayden, which means that Ayden is the owner of the harem," says Leeland. "I wanna be the lettuce in that hunk meat sandwich ugh."

And with that, I fill my weirdo quota for the day. I just hope Lee doesn't hear this. She is a stone's throw away, and I would be devastated if she were to think badly of me. I mean, I'm not into poly, but I'm not against it, either. Everyone can make candelabra out of their ass if they want, I don't judge. But what if she is into that stuff? Oh god, do I have to make a bigger harem?