The Bad Boys' Soft Boys' Lonely Hearts Club - The Full Package

The First Law

As I sit in class, no underwear, getting increasingly chafed by the skinny leather jeans that could choke an anaconda — which, if we go by a not-so-literal sense, it is doing — I find it severely difficult to pay attention at the droning voice of the physic's teacher. A man so typecast to be a nerd that the casting call for a hypothetical T.V adaptation would only say "poindexter."

"Objects at rest tend to remain at rest," he says, scribbling uninteresting lines with a marker that is clinging to the last of its ink for dear life. "And objects in motion tend to remain in motion, with the same speed, and in the same direction." 

It is almost like a droning chant, a lullaby for nerds and outcasts. Maybe sleeping in a vent is not the best move. I keep being woken up by the faraway chants of what I believe is a secret coven of witches putting hexes on the football team. Their Latin pronunciation is horrible, which is the part I find most egregious. 

"Unless acted upon by an unbalanced force," says the teacher. "Let me repeat myself. An object in motion-"

Just as I was about to count electric sheeps, I hear a "pspsps" sound behind me. Since I am not a cat, I refuse to answer. But, isn't that what cats do? Not answer to the call of the pspsps? By not answering to it, am I asserting my catness? Is this what Shroddinger's cat is all about? 

Just to be sure, I turn around, where I am immediately thrusted with the burden of a paper note by none other than a smirking Leeland. I specifically sat in front of the classroom to avoid that daily reenactment of the postal service — which, a reminder, is something we have to protect as a vital institution for democracy. Who even uses paper notes anymore? Super wasteful to the environment. It's just one of those highschool cliches that doesn't make sense in the modern age.  

Use your phones like normal kids. This majestuous tree didn't grow for 15 years and chopped down by an underpaid lumberjack for you to play tic-tac-toe on. Trees are supposed to be used in education, dammit! 

"-tends to remain in motion-" 

Since I'm already in possession of the note, it is my duty, as established by the unspoken rules of the school, to deliver it to its destination. However, there is no one else in front of me. This might be a mistake. 

I turn back, shrugging my shoulders at Leeland and pointing at the note — the universal sign of an oblivious idiot. One I didn't recognize until I did it. 

If you have to ask who is it for, chances are that it is for you, which thankfully Leeland confirmed by pointing at me, followed by what I assume is the sign-language equivalent of how good my hands would serve as a choker around his neck. 

Now, a school note is one of the biggest red flags you can have inside the classroom. It usually means that a misunderstanding is about to occur. That, or as the historical bad boy movie "The Social Network" taught me, a moment of reckoning. And I'm not about to find out. 

I grab it, raise it enough for Leeland to see it, and crump it on the spot.  

"-with the same speed, and in the same direction-"

A new note falls on my desk almost immediately. That seems even ruder than pspsps-ing me. 

I turn back to Leeland, ready to give him a stern talking about classroom etiquette, when he points to the person behind him, which points to the person behind me, and so on and so on, until it reaches the back, where the huge, beef-worthy figure of Hayden shily waves at me, pointing down as his desk. 

"Ugh theyre exchanging letters so jealous ugh," monologues Laila next to me. "Why are all the good looking boys taken ??!"

"-unless acted upon by an unbalanced force," says the teacher. "Let me repeat myself. An object in motion-"