Meant to be Yours

Chapter 36

𝙈𝙄𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙇𝙀 𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙓𝙄𝙎

After failing my board exam, I feel like I've lost everything. It hurt like hell when I saw the list of board passers and my name was not on it. Nag-aral naman ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ako nagkulang. For the last 7 months, wala akong ibang ginawa kundi mag-aral, pero wala pa rin. I still didn't pass.

It makes me feel as if, even though I'm in pain, I deserve it. I deserve to be punished because I'm a bad person. I was a cheater.

Mahal pa kaya ako ni Lincoln? Kung tutuusin, ang daming babae ang higit sa akin. Makahahanap kaagad siya. Bakit naman siya mag-stay sa babaeng manloloko? He deserves the best, someone who will never hurt him. Someone who isn't a cheater.

Alam kong wala akong karapatang magreklamo sa mga nangyayari sa buhay namin ni Lincoln dahil ako naman ang may kasalanan. Pero ang hirap kasi nang ganito. He was ignoring me as if he didn't know me.

It was heartbreaking to open my exam results alone. I still remember that night, I cried so hard, and screamed at the top of my lungs. Sobrang durog na durog ako. I yelled Lincoln's name, but there was no answer.

I expected him to be there for me because Lincoln, of all people, should know that I'm not good at handling failures. Sobrang bigat ng pakiramdam ko ng araw na 'yon. Pinagbabato ko lahat ng gamit ko sa kuwarto dahil hindi ko nakayanan 'yung emosyon. I was so depressed and dissapointed in myself.

I was discharged from the hospital after 3 days of confinement. Nawalan talaga ako ng gana sa buhay ng mga araw na 'yon. I really broke down. I didn't want to eat or sleep. Sobrang thankful ako sa family ko at sa mga kaibigan ko dahil hindi nila ako iniwan. They comforted me and held my hand while I cried. They've been there for me when all I wanted to do was cry.

Ngayon, gusto ko ulit lumaban. I wanted to pass my next exam. I wanted to make them proud. They all believe in me, and I should as well. I just wish Lincoln and I are okay. It will be a lot different even though he was miles away.

"Hi, Miracle," rinig kong bati sa akin ni Patricia nang daanan ko ang table nila. Ito ang unang araw na pumasok ako ng opisina pagkatapos kong bumagsak ng board exam. May mga kailangan kasi akong kuhanin dito. "Kumusta naman ang pakiramdam ng bagsak? Siguro ay hindi ka nakatulog nang maayos."

Nagpintig ang taenga ko sa sinabi ni Patricia. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may mga taong katulad niya na imbes tulungan kang umangat, pilit kang hinihila pababa.

Hindi ko pinansin si Patricia at nagtuloy-tuloy lang ako papuntang HR. Hindi ako nahihiya na bumagsak ako ng board exam kasi alam kong ginawa ko ang lahat. Kaya lang, hindi ko maiwasang masaktan.

"Miracle, wait!" pigil sa akin ni Patricia. She also grabbed my arm, stopping me.

Nilingon ko siya. "Ano ba ang kailangan mo sa akin?" 

"Well, we just want to invite you. Kahit sandali lang. May mini celebration kami. Halika na. Promise, masaya 'to," Patricia said. I was hesitant but I didn't want to refuse kasi baka kung ano pa ang sabihin nila.

"Okay," I replied shorty. Hinila ako ni Patricia papuntang pantry kung saan gaganapin ang mini celebration nila. Naroon din ang iba naming katrabaho. I sat next to Eurika.

"Hi, Miracle," she greeted me. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya saka binati siya pabalik. Hindi kami close ni Eurika pero sa kanilang lahat, siya ang pinakamabait sa akin.

Hindi ko alam kung para saan 'tong celebration nila pero marami silang hinandang pagkain. Mayamaya pa ay pumunta na sa gitna si Patricia. Mukhang siya ang nag-organized ng event na 'to. "Today is a very special day for us, interns. All of us passed the Architecture Licensure Exam. Well, except for Miracle, who didn't pass. Unfortunately, if it hadn't been for one person, we would have had a 100% passing rate. But, overall, congratulations to all of us. We deserve a toast." Napakuyom ang kamao ko. Bigla kong naalala ang mga oras na nanginginig ang buo kong katawan habang tinitingnan ang result ng exam ko. I didn't want to go back to that time.