A Girl with Her Teddy Bear

11

Syah's pov

That night after we had a movie night and Lex enroll me into online classes, I walk into the designated room that Kit and Sing assign us to.

As soon as I close the bedroom door I can feel my tears streaming down my face. It just had been too much to me. I feel so empty. I look at Bear and Brownie.

"Why do I always burden everyone? Isn't it better if I'm gone?" I asks Bear. After those words were spoken I had a flashback to when I did tried to take my own life.

Flashback

I look at my bleeding hand with a blank face as tears still streaming down my face.

I slowly lowered the wound into the water. I look at Bear in front of me.

"This is the right thing to do." I said to Bear.

"Do you really think so? Who would be my friend?" I can hear Bear speak to me.

"If I don't do this then I'll just burden everyone else. I'm tired of being a burden." I told Bear.

"If you feel like a burden then just remember, I'm always here with you. Always." he replied back.

I can't help but to continue to cry. I decided to get help. I pick up my phone beside the tub and turn on the phone. I can see hundreds of calls and messages from Xav and Lex.

I dial the first number from the notification.

"SYAH! Where are you?! I'm worried sick about you right now baby. Can you tell me where you are?" I can hear Lex's voice but it sounded so far away for me.

"He...lp.... bathr....oom.." I replied before I lost my conscious.

end of flashback

I quickly wipe away my tears when I hear someone knock on my door. I control my voice so that it sounds normal.

"Who is it?" I asks.

"It's me." I can hear Lex's voice.

I open the door. As soon as I opened my door I flash him a smile. "Did you need something Lex?" I asks him as I beam.

He stare at my face.

"You've been crying." he said that.

"Of course I did. The movie that we watched were sad." I said as I turn around and walk further inside my room and sit down on the bed with bear and Brownie still in my arms on my lap.

"What are you trying to conceal? I know you Syah. You do know you can tell me anything right?" he coax as he sit next to me and gently caressing my chin with his thumb.

"It's nothing. Really." I said to him as I smile at him.

"You do know that you can never lie to me right? You can use this trick to everyone else but with me, just drop the act. I don't want that scene of you half dead in the bathtub to be a repeat." he said to me in a firm tone as he look directly into my eyes.

I look away and sigh.

"It's just one of those days that I feel really useless and being the biggest burden to everyone." I told to him truthfully.

"You do know you can tell me anything right? Would you like to tell me how you feel then to make you feel better?" he asks again.

"It just that... I've been a burden to you guys for so long... I'm not worth it to be protected. I'm a nobody. If I'm gone I know you will be sad but you will be able to move on. As for Bear and Brownie I know that as soon as I'm dead they will come and burn both of them in resentment. I just feel like I'm taking someone else's place. I think that I don't deserve any of this. At school the person that I truly talk to backstab me. I don't know what to do anymore Lex..." I said to him. I feel no emotion whatsoever. I feel so lifeless. I feel like I'm just a robot.