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babe heffron !
╚═══════════════╝ angst?, a very tiny amount of fluff, mention of a metaphorical drug addiction, toxic relationship?
most relationships are like fires. some last for years and the flame never seems to burn out. others are like matches, they don't tend to last very long. then you have the relationships that could be compared to a candle. you love it for a while but it the end you have to blow it out for your safety or because you've gotten tired of it, but eventually you relight the candle and the flame continues to burn for years. no matter what kind of relationship it is, fire will always be dangerous.
the relationship you shared with babe heffron was lethal. it was a candle. you always came back to one another. the two of you tore and tore and tore at each other. you broke each other down until there was nothing left to work with. the two of you swore you were in love with one another, but how could you hate someone so much but love them even more at the same time? you felt like you needed him to breathe. to function. to exist. to put it simply, babe heffron was a drug and you hated being sober.
to babe, you seemed like the devil in disguise. one moment you could be sweeter than honey and in the next instant you were a ghost of that person. he loved you. oh yes he did. in his eyes, you were the reason the world turned. you lit up his life. despite this, he still hated you. his opinion on you was very conflicted. were you satan's spawn or an angel?
any competent person would want out of that situation, but the two of you were so blinded by love that it would be quite literally impossible to breakaway. it angered the both of you that neither of you could fully commit to one another. you wanted your fun whereas babe didn't want to be tied down. he felt as though he could look at you and see his wife but then again he could look at you minutes later and want nothing to do with you. it was safe to say that you were not on the same page.
days seemed to drone on and on as the arguments became relentless. voiced bounced off the walls. anger radiated throughout the room. your fellow soldiers seemed like they wanted nothing but to cut out either of your voice boxes. there was the occasional shout to take whatever the issue was outside but the men were always there to step in if things got physical (which they never did). they tried to ignore it.
after the events of bastogne, your ever growing hatred for merely being awake seemed to skyrocket. you were incredibly irritable. everyone seemed to notice and for someone reason, babe loved to just push your buttons. he lived for that kind of thing.
the two of you laid side by side on a bunk in some abandoned little house. babe's arms had been thrown over your waist lazily and his steady breathing was lulling you to sleep. the room was nearly silent. your fellow soldiers (your friends) chatted quietly to one another. they were awaiting another row. it had been quite awhile since the two of you were at one another's throats. it was almost unsettling.
the moments when you fought were agonizing but, when you were able to lie down with one another and appreciate being alive . . . those were gratifying. the arms around your waist, the uncontrollable laughter, the soft kisses on noses. those moments were euphoric. you wished you could soak in them all day. they replayed over and over and over in your mind. that was part of the reason the both of you stayed.
the way babe moved, spoke, and just solely existed, captivated you. he knew how to reel you in. from the moment you met him, you were attracted to him like a magnet. his hair became even more red in the sunlight (unlike many other people, who's hair looked golden). freckles littered his cheekbones and they danced across his shoulders. his eyes were enchanting. they were deep, like rich dark chocolate. when you needed them most, they were right there and somehow they always cleared your path.
babe shifted, removing his arm from your waist. you huffed at the loss of contact before flipping over to face him. you had almost been asleep. he blinked at you a few times, clearly being woken up by your sudden movements. as you begun to silently count the freckles on his face you could see the tears fill his eyes. his words were heartbreaking.
"loving you is suffocating."
babe's voice was just loud enough for nearly everyone in the room to hear. you could hear how much sleep was laced in his words and you didn't even know if he was fully awake at this point. a stray tear cascaded down his beautifully freckled face. the arm was once again thrown over your waist and suddenly he was asleep again.
you lay there reeling from what had just been said but you don't comment on it and you certainly don't pull away. the conversations in the rest of the room very slowly picked back up. you were never embarrassed by any of your fights but this mortified you.
loving you knocked the air out of babe's lungs (and not in a good way). loving you was drowning beneath the coldest waves of the ocean. loving you was having an impossibly horrible stuffed up nose that no amount of medicine could fix. loving you was like screaming into a pillow after a long day. to love you was to give up fragments of babe's heart. a heart that he had worked so hard on. a heart that you were just there to break.
so, you laid their staring at your boyfriend intently. you stated at him as if you had no clue who he was. as if you were re-evaluating your whole entire life. you stared at babe heffron as if he had just taken a knife to your chest, because you were the one that was home to the heart with teeth.
