Numb [Dan Howell FanFic]

Darling

"Lilith, my mom said Happy New Year."

"It is not even New Year's yet." I laugh.

"You know my mom."

I missed them, Adrian and his mom. His mom started crying the minute we left and I could not help but stifle a sob. Adrian did not want to admit it but I felt his wet tears on my shirt. "Crying is not my thing." He said wiping his eyes. But we were at home. We were laying down watching television under a big blanket. I played with my ring.

"You really like it don't you?"

"I love it. It looks like a pastel rainbow."

"Opalite. I knew you would love it."

"Hmm, I am worried."

"About?" Dan sat up.

"Dad."

"There is no need to. Nothing is going to happen."

"But what if something does? What if he comes in right now?"

"I'll kill him." He said with a nervous chuckle.

My eyes twitched. Was he capable of that? I mean, really, Dan is so slim. He is a total clutz and he has major butterfingers. I shake my head. My head feels like it is going to explode from so many thoughts. Dad, Dan, Madison, and illness. They swirled in my head, often giving me headaches. I did not want to seem like an obsessive girlfriend talking about his ex-girlfriends all the time. Therefore, I did not push on the whole Madison subject. I was still curious, though, I had an idea of why Dan may have hated her. But it was terrible, so I shoved it down my throat. 

Dan was so willing to die for me. If I was honest, it bothered me. He was too good for me. I loved him and he loved me. That was all I needed, but he wanted to die for me. He looked sad when I wasn't looking. His face would crumble and force creases inbetween his brows, in worry.

I stretched my leg over his lap and sat on him. He shifted, awkwardly. We never did stuff like that. We weren't 'lustful'. We just weren't. I was not sexy, so doing things like sitting on his lap never came to mind. I was facing him and he kept tugging at his pants.

I gave him a full kiss. I kept wishing I could tell him that I loved him, and that I worried about him, but I had never told anyone that before. His lips were chapped and I kept kissing him. Once I couldn't breathe, I started giving him little pecks on his cheeks. Then his nose, and chin. He was so kissable it was scary.

I stopped. And I sobbed.

"Hey hey hey hey! Whoa. What's going on?"

"I don- I used to, but now.."

"What? Are you okay? No you're not, I'm such an idiot. What's wrong?"

"I don't want to die anymore."

"Wait. What are you talk-"

"When I was growing up I hoped for me to be an accident so my parents wouldn't have the satisfaction of using me as a punching bag. Now, I have a reason to live. He's coming for me, and- and I don't want to die. I just want to be with you. All I want is you."

((short chapter wow hope you guys like it and thanks for so many reads ily))