Numb [Dan Howell FanFic]

Bright Lights

"Maybe if you untied me from these damn ropes I would answer your questions," I snapped and added, "sir."

The room was extremely dark and freezing, my skin crawled with fear and my fingertips numbed with it and cold.  There was nothing worse than not being able to defend yourself because you could not see. He had plugged most of my senses. My hands and legs were tied, blindfolded and he had considered plugging my ears and covering my mouth. That was until the idiot realized there were questions to ask for me to answer. I scowled at his vacant response. Surprisingly, instead of a wit a hand slapped me on my bony jaw.

"That was unnecessary," I mumbled and tasted the metal flavor of blood.

He laughed which sounded like a mix of a grunt and a scoff.  "You have got a mouth on you for such a skinny little-"

"I'm not skinny, I'm slim. Do not objectify me."

Even though my words were sliding out without effort it did not mean my heart was not beating out of my chest. My muscles ached so powerfully that I was trembling, I needed Dan.  My body was aching for Dan. It made me feel terribly dependent but there was nothing better than lying in cold, fresh sheets with him and sleeping. That cold was much more comforting. There definitely had to be a way around this, and I obviously had to find it. But I was completely ignorant as to why I was even sitting in the darkness with a man who had no reason to kidnap me.

It was obvious to me who, but not why. I had not done anything to upset him, it was like I was almost off the grid. He had no reason to snatch me away again, no excuse. He always managed to take me away from Dan and it pissed me off how good he was at it, and the gleam in his eyes when he did. My father could die and he would still manage to keep me away from anything or anyone I love.

It hit me harder than the man's callous hand. The video. That God damn beautiful video that allowed me to physically see how much I loved and was loved. It was that. I swallowed thick saliva, and it left my mouth dry and voice with a croak. I adjusted my jaw to firm so I could seem less scared. But I was not less scared, it was taking every effort to not shake out of my skin. My jaw rattled and I bit my tongue. This had to stop.

I was a runt, even without other siblings, I was still the unwanted runt that had no hopes of surviving and had no resources to even try. My body was bony and weak, and I barely had a voice. But I definitely had a lot to say. My body trembled at any sort of threat, and I was tired. I was exhausted of running, my feet and my heart hurt and the only thing keeping me moving was Dan. He was the hand on the small of my back urging to go forward.

Bright lights made my eyes tear and I blinked through the searing shine. He had removed the black sock from my eyes. The smell and sweat lingered on my eyebrows and eyes. I tried to avoid gagging, I looked weak enough. "Honey, I dunno what to tell you. It was a video, and I don't regret it."

"How do you know this was about the damn video?" He had an a rough american accent. I remembered him asking for help at the pharmacy and cursed at how simple could have been to drop everything and run again.

This was scandalous and melodramatic and I hated it all. He could have just texted me, it was all that it took. "Dear god, let me get out of this hell hole."

"Hey! Don't talk about my apartment like that," he snapped.

Apartment? I made my best impression of a girl in distress, "Oh darling, please forgive me! I only mean it as joke, you know that!"

He laughed and then coughed to cover it up, "Your dad is wrong about you, ya know?"

"Oh so I'm not a demon, gold digging, witch?" I tilted my head.

"Yeah that's what he said," I nodded because it was something I obviously already knew.

The room we were in was actually pretty nice, it was dimly lit and the walls were grey. It had simple furniture. The man looked like a lumberjack, of course I never expected him to own such a clean rug. But I should never be one to judge based on appearances. I have too much experience with that sort of thing.

"When can I go back to boyfriend?" I turned back to him.

"Now, it's been an hour. You answered all my questions." He untied me. "Please don't call the cops on me, I'm just going your dad's dirty work."

"I won't, promise."

I had no idea how to get back home. What train? No clue. Take a taxi? I had no money. The situation was hopeless and I could almost feel my lungs trying to crawl out of my throat. I hated the London streets, they were so difficult to cross.

"Ma'am do you have change?" The woman caught me off guard and I yelped. I reached in my pocket and took out a pound. "Sorry," I mumbled.

She smiled, "Bless you."

I needed all the blessing I could get.

It seems like a person like me would have no faith in anything. Not in humanity, or aliens. But somehow I believed in a greater source, someone who was in charge of directing everyone's life. I hoped that my story was reaching the part where I get happy. I was exhausted of the same tragedy, I needed some sort of comedy or quirkiness in my life. Something to make me wake me up in the morning more happy than usual.

There had to be something more for me out there. Maybe I just did not know how to look for it, or maybe I was not supposed to search for it. I hoped that I was destined to have a greatness in me that was just being produced later. I wished for the best and started running up the pavement, this had to be the way home.

I ran and thought about how much I wanted, and how much I selfishly deserved. I was happy but I felt that there could be something deeper in that.

I had Dan.

But I wanted something more.