Numb [Dan Howell FanFic]

All Nights

No one knew, not even Dan, of the things that traumatized me and left me sleepless some nights. I kept hearing their laughs and my cries, and I kept screaming. The pain was unbearable. My cries and screams were unheard, useless. Or so I thought.

"Lilith?!"

" Wha-What?"

"You were screaming and your-" He wiped away at my wet cheeks.

" Oh, I'm sorry."

" Are you okay?"

" I think."

He gave me an empathic look, " I have to film, I'll come back in a while."

Dan was a youtuber, an amazing one. He had been doing it for a while now. He was perfect at it. That is how he got his money. I would like to clear out that I was not in love with him for money because that is a very stupid thing. My parents had a lot of money. Which was a very good and bad thing. Plus, I got nothing my whole childhood.

I sat in his room and stared in to his world. It was both dark and colorful. My body laid down and my eyes stared at the ceiling. I fell asleep. Again. A warmth in my face woke me, and as soon as I opened my eyes I saw Dan. His hand on my face.

" I hope you realize that I am not a very good cook, and we will have to go out."

" Wow really?"

" Yeah."

He kissed my cheek, and pat my knee. I flinched at his touch.

" Let's go, I am starving!"

I chuckled and sat up.

You do not know how much I longed to kiss him and pull him back to bed. But I just got up and walked out the door with him. Once we arrived at the restaurant, he stared at me. And kept staring. Then, he stared at me some more. Sometimes I would glance over and see him smiling.

" I cannot believe you will be living with me."

" I have to get a job."

" You will stay home for now."

" Why?"

" Your parents will want to find you, and I am not willing to lose you."

" But I'm such a bother."

" Lilith, I can't imagine not breathing the same air as you anymore. You make me feel incredibly happy. Understand?"

" But-"

" Remember that confident guy who gave you his sweater?"

" Yes."

" He only exists when you are near. You are so perfect and you do not even realize it. Which makes it even better. He was only 'confident' because her phone dropped and she was very beautiful in that way that is a big deal. But is not made a big deal. Therefore, that guy with the warm hands exists only for the girl with the very cold ones. Now drink your tea."

My lips sipped on the tea. And he just stared at me.

" Okay, hello. Here is your order," The lady said smiling and handing it over.

" Thank you ma'am by any chance do you have some bread?"

" Of course, I will be right out."

It was my turn to stare at him. He caught my eyes. And stared back. Dan's big brown eyes made it look like he was thinking a million things at once. As though he studied everything he set his eyes on. They were also very warm and comforting.

" Dan, I know I don't say it too often, but I really appreciate you. I love you."

" I love you too, Lilith." He said it so easily like it did not even matter.

" By the way, your eyes are very beautiful.." I said.

" Thanks, but I would like to point out yours are like a kaleidoscope.. Like are they green, are they blue, or are they hazel? I just, I don't know."

I laughed.

" Thank you."

" Oh no problem."

" Dan?"

" Yes, Lilith?"

" About that girl.."

" Yeah?" He stared up at me with big eyes.

" Wh-"

" All I can say is that she is very beautiful in every way because she has a kind heart. And has very smart eyes."

" Oh okay."

" I'm sorry if that was rude."

" No it wasn't."

Sure it was not rude, but it did hurt.

Once we were done eating, he said he had to go buy some things. I grabbed his hand, which was strange. He rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand as we walked. Dan made me feel safe which sucked because he was in love with someone else. People kept staring at us weird, and I just kept my head low. He turned to look at me, and just kissed my head.

" Don't worry."

But I could not help but worry. I felt so selfish wanting to keep him for myself that I mentally slapped myself.