Numb [Dan Howell FanFic]

Flowers

I considered many things, 1.) Waking him because it was already late, 2.) Going back to bed, 3.) Calling the hospital because he wouldn't wake up although he was okay because he was snoring as usual. The computer was on, it was a while since I used one. I also considered that.

The silence was strange, I was accustomed to hearing Dan giggling about something. Once the computer was completely loaded I went on to YouTube and looked up the video Dan had recently posted. Which was called Play Video. Dan told me before posting it that he wouldn't allow me to look at the comments. I knew why I just wondered why he was so protective, I also knew that not everyone was going to be happy about it. And I was fine with that. Loving him was all that mattered. My feelings were already carved in to stone, spiteful people were not going to change that.

He snored louder this time and I felt the adrenaline in my fingertips, he would be upset if he found out I was reading them. Quickly, I scrolled down to the comment section.

'This is awesome.'

'God damn finally'

'Almost thought you were gay'

'Hope ur happy'

'Cute cute'

'What about Phil?'

'You were starting to look sad at the beginning of last year bc of Phil. Glad you're happy, she looks sweet.'

'Hot couple'

'She looks kind of sick'

The last one didn't really shock me, it sort of bounced off of me. I smiled, most of the comments were nice. In fact, by my mental estimations almost ninety five percent of the comments were either supportive, kind, good-lucks, or compliments.

But like always there weren't some not-so-nice ones.

'Ew'

'Wtf is this?'

'She looks anorexic as hell lol'

'*unsubscribes*'

'Bet your channel is going to go to trash'

A person responded to the last comment.

'He has been dating her for months now, almost a year. Pretty sure we can all say that these past few months he has made some of his best videos. He can do whatever he wants with his channel, more importantly his life. Lilith looks pretty awesome to me, am I the only one hoping she starts her own channel? Kinda want to get to know her..'

A few people responded saying they were also hoping I would start my own channel.

I mentally clapped, and Dan stirred. I realized my clapping was not so mental. Someone honked their car horn, and I heard the train. The city sounded so quiet.(With the exceptions of a few vehicles.) The city sounded so wonderful. I closed my eyes and breathed in. The world was still a mystery and Dan and I were just little people stuck in its limits. For a brief moment I felt very small. People's words, asteroids, other things could effect our lives greatly. Anything could change it for good and for bad.

Feeling small was like feeling invisible. I felt like I was no one, and I had achieved nothing in my life so far. The mental list I had since I was a child was still pinned in my thoughts, but only a few things had been checked off. And there were still things I wanted to add. I felt so helpless in the world and it made me shrink more. Dan mumbled something in his sleep and I sat up straight. I stood up and walked over to the bed, and leaned my ear towards his lips the way I always did.

"Lily," he muttered, although I almost couldn't understand because it was very muffled.

"What's wrong?"