Chapter 50: Now and Later

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"You fucking bastard!" I wake up to find Veronica on top of me with her hands scrunching the shirt on my shoulders. "I can't believe you!"

Her eyes are swollen saucers, bleeding with pain that I somehow caused. "What did I do now?"

That probably wasn't the right thing to say. "Fuck yourself! You cheated on me you pig! That's why I wanted a divorce! You cheated on me with my friend! No wonder you were afraid to tell me."

I stiffen. She remembers Aubrey, but not that she drugged me? Are we really doing this again? "I was raped and beaten Andrew! But you still thought it was a good idea to fuck me? Oh my god! I'm going to be sick. And you blamed me for wanting the divorce, when it was your fault!"

That makes two of us, I'm going to be sick too. "Veronica I'm-."

"No! Save it! I've seen it all last night in my sleep." Clearly not. "I can't believe you would manipulate me like that."

Alright that's it. "Shut up!" I knock her off my lap. "You didn't see it all Veronica. If you had, then you would have known that that woman drugged and raped me! She was after our family. To tear us apart. How do you think you ended up losing your memory?? She tried to kill you!"

She sits up, holding her head. "Before you lost your memory, you told me that you weren't ready for sex. Why do you think I strayed away from it? Then I was blamed for that too! What do you want from me Vee?? I can only take so much. You begged me to fuck you! Grabbed my cock without my consent!  I'm not perfect! I just want to be with you for fucks sake!"

Both of us are gasping for breath. This is not the morning I wanted to wake up to. I knew this fucking day was coming. I wasn't aware it was right around the block. "I don't know what to believe."

I laugh. "I can't keep doing this. Begging for your trust again and again and again. I know I fucked up. That was five years ago! I did cheat on you, but not with your best friend! Not while we were married. I didn't want to sleep with you Vee. Not after knowing what you went through. Understand that. You kept throwing yourself at me."

"So it's my fault??" Christ.

"No! I'm not blaming you. I'm telling you to see it from my perspective." I think I should leave her to settle down. Someone obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed. "I need a shower." Maybe a fucking drink too.

"Yeah walk away. That's what you do best." I shake my head as I exit the room. Staring in the bathroom mirror, I smack my face.

"You piece of shit." I knew it wasn't right. I fucked her multiple times. Why can't I just catch a fucking break? Are we really meant to be? Guilt weighs in heavily. I don't understand how I'm supposed to get her on my side. I could beat myself for agreeing to stay in this hotel room, giving up my own private space. I'm sure Flower knows that the walls talk. Picturing her cradled in bed listening to us scream at one another sickens me. I need to get a shower, though I don't want to do a damn thing.

Veronica

Cupping my ears, as if that will end the thoughts. I rock back and forth on the floor. My spine smacks the wall behind me every few seconds. This is really my life? A fucked up relationship with someone I hate to admit I'm in love with. I hate that I can't tear that feeling to shreds. Rip it from my bloodstream and sprinkle the grass, making it grow.

Attached to him, so many things have happened with him by my side. Yesterday I couldn't believe the news that I slept with someone else. I've always wanted Andrew to be my number one forever. I grabbed ahold of that anger and wanted to hurt him. Apparently he was already hurting. That crazy woman actually took advantage of him?

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