Dead Flower (Sequel to The Flower Girl) (Completed)

Chapter 32: Fuck Decorations

Her hand intertwined with mine. The last time I came to a carnival was with Andrew. Before we even had Flower. Funnel cakes waft through the air and it piques my craving. After I had Flower my body really changed. I've lost the baby weight, but the pounds pack on after eating sugar infested food.

My ass looks like a white tiger. Striped with stretch marks. Andrew doesn't seem to mind. Shit, I mean didn't. It's only been two weeks, but I'm trying my best not to compare everything to him. Look how well that's working out for me.

What do I expect though? We've been together for five years. Love doesn't just grow wings and fly away. Otherwise, you probably didn't love them at all. I don't love the way he treated me. I love the father he was, is. The sweet things he used to say. How protective he was of us.

I'm finally getting the breath of fresh air I begged him for. He hasn't been bugging me, or blowing up my phone like he did at first. He really is giving me space like he said. Later this week, we're having dinner, to discuss the divorce.

Miss Jane is going to watch Flower. I want to go out in public, but I fear a disaster to break loose. Then the fear of him trying something strikes the same strand of fear, if we eat at the old house.

I've been applying to several different jobs. Bars, retail, warehouses, everything that's eligible for me. I haven't worked since I was seventeen. That sounds pathetic to me. I'm not blaming Andrew. I wanted to stay home and raise Flower, so she wasn't shoved off to babysitters that I couldn't trust.

Since she's starting school soon, I can finally work. Not that I trust the teachers fully either. Being a parent is terrifying. I can't protect her 24/7. Andrew and I are helicopter parents. Always flying around her, keeping her safe. I just don't want her to be a sneaky child because of us.

We would be the ones to drive her to sneaking out at night. Trying drugs and drinking, having sex young, because we're too protective. Calm down Vee, she's only five. I think too much.

Tossing the thoughts out my ears as I shake my head, I switch to reality, in the moment. "Thank you for joining us."

Derrick has been contributing a lot more than I expected. He picked us up at the hotel in his Challenger. Helped me put Flower's car seat in. Paid for the tickets, playing the games with Flower. Reminds me a lot of my husband, but only...nicer.

He places his lengthy hair behind his ear, smiling. "Of course." A masculine leather bracelet catches my stare.

"What's this?" I take his wrist into my hands. Circling my thumb over the hairy skin.

Believe and act as if it were impossible to fail.

"That's a quote by Charles Kettering that actually stuck with me. Been working so far."

I don't know if he's feeling me. But I'm really feeling him. More than I should be, or would be expected. "That's beautiful."

Staring into my eyes, that smile still on his face. He takes the leap and whispers into my ear. So close, "Not as beautiful as you." Then those same smiley lips kiss my cheek, turning them pink.

Finally, a sign that he's into me. "Mommy! Let's get on that spinning thing!" Following her pointer finger, the smile is warped off my face. I'm terrified of the Farris wheel. Oh fuck no. Not when last time Andrew had to take my mind off my fear of heights, by fucking me senseless.

"Baby I don't know. Mommy is scared of heights." She begins to throw a fit. Forcing her fists at her sides. Face faces the ground. "Flower, no attitude please." I won't tolerate a brat who whines when she doesn't get something she wants.