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"I do..." sighing I tuck my hair behind my ear.
"So why are you here?" He says his eyes not once leaving my face. I can't say I don't know because I do but I don't want him to know.
"What do you want from me Kentrell hmm?"
"Righ now a fucking answer." Shocked I shook my head and started to collect my stuff. Kaniya was sleeping but I was ready to go home so I carefully picked her up and placed her on my hip. "Whea are you going?"
"Leaving." I'm not about to argue with him when he's in this condition.
"Why you always making me look like the bad guy?" He questions grabbing my arm carefully.
"I don't do anything you do it all on your own. Look I tried time and time again you made your choice time and time again... you don't want me you just like the thought of me I got that I understand it's well understood. I came for Kaniya but since it's bothering you we'll leave." I say my piece walking towards the door.
"Amaya you know I want you all those other hoes was just for entertainment when I got bored." He says and I was so close to walking out the door.
"So that makes it okay ? My feelings don't matter to you when you in the moment huh?" How do you forgive someone for cheating? How do you forget and move on? Especially now that there are kids involved kids that he made with chicks he cheated on me with. What helps heal a broken heart.
"You never just listen to me you just fucking talk. I made mistakes I admit that but if you would just listen to how I feel how I felt... let me fix it let me show you that I really fucking love you." A tear rolled down both our cheeks. My phone buzzed so I quickly look away and check it. Jahmi said he's at my house ready to talk when I am. Texting back ok and telling Kentrell I'll talk to him later I head home. Sitting in the car for a period of time just trying to figure my shit out before I get out and have to have this conversation with Jahmi.
"Maya you straight?" Miracle says knocking on the window of the passenger side. Unlocking the door letting her in she gives me a soft smile.
"Why'd he do that?" I whisper voice shaking. The real reason I kept checking on Kentrell was because I felt as though it was my fault. He hurt me numerous of times but for some reason I felt like all of this was my fault.
"Kentrell has a lot going on girl it was never your fault it's deeper then you."
"How can someone cheat on you and still claim to love you? How does that make sense? Why am I supposed to forgive him and just act like nothing ever happened?"
"Maya no one said you have to forgive him. Your hurt that's understandable let it hurt for a little while but you have to let go eventually because it's not healthy for you to hold on." Miracle grabbed my hand placing it in her lap. We got closer ever since she found out she was pregnant I wanted to be there for her In a way the others couldn't. "And if you ever choose to go back to him we can not judge but always keep your guard up."
"I don't know... what about Jahmi?" I say looking at her. Kaniya was still fast asleep so we still had some time to waste.
"Did you give him some cat?" Miracle asked giving me a look.
"Miracle... only once..." I said before laughing
"I was bout to say if not then you don't gotta explain ya self to him, but you fucked and we not niggas at least tell him you ain't feeling him no more." My intentions were never to hurt Jahmi after Kentrell I wasn't one for relationships. They never lasted because I could never trust anyone if I saw something that Kentrell used to do when he was doing me wrong I would automatically think they was cheating and left them alone.
"I can't with you.. how's the baby?" Taking my hand from hers and placing it on her small tummy.
"Being a bad ass just beating me up from the inside." She whined but still smiled at her tummy. We sat there for a little while longer just talking about any and everything before Kaniya woke up screaming her head off my little baby was hungry. Walking in my what looked empty house Jahmi sat on the couch with Ant playing the game.
"Where was you?" He asked pausing the game.
"She was in her skin when you jump out she jumps in." Miracle sassed grabbing Kaniya out my arms to go feed her while I talk to him. He followed me upstairs to my rooming sitting on my bed.
"You wanted to talk?" I ask sitting beside him.
"Umm yeah.. Maya I'm tryna be wit you for real for real. I don't want to play these games no more I'm tryna be about you." I had no idea what to say we've only really been talking for like 3 weeks and yeah he's nice and all but I don't see him in that way at least I don't think I do.
"Jah..."
"No I'm serious Maya when you gonna give me a chance? It's like you want this but then again you don't know what you want." Grabbing me face he makes me look at him then he kisses me.
Pulling away I sigh. This is not how it's supposed to go this was supposed to be easy for me I've done it before. But with him for some reason it's hard and I don't like it.
"What ?" He asks
"Jahmi I can't do this." It was silent for a moment but he got up shaking his head walking to the door. "You not gonna let me explain?" I ask
"Nah I'm good I know what type of time you on." And just like that he was gone. I felt sick like I had to throw up but it wasn't coming out. I didn't want to cry anymore but I wanted to be held and told everything was going to be okay even if it wasn't. Getting up I go to the bathroom and tie my hair up sitting over the toilet just in case. When nothing came out I ask Miracle if she would watch Kaniya for me and head out.
When I get to my destination I take a deep breath and get out the car. My eyes started to water but that's it the tears never fell. I didn't know if I was making the right decision or if I should turn back and go home to my baby. I kept pushing though.
"Maya? Where Kaniya at? And why is you crying ?"
"I-" cutting myself off I just walk to him climbing in beside him resting my head on his chest listening to his heart beat.
"Maya?" He says just above a whisper. Snuggling closer I close my eyes.
"Can you sing to me please?"
He kisses my forehead wrapping his arms around me. "Of course anything fa you baby girl." I smile and place a kiss on his chest before looking up at him and kissing his lips softly. I may be making a mistake but for some reason I can't let up off of him.
"Leave you not getting me back All in the room she be holding them racks I cannot cherish the fact I told her I'll never I'm better than that She loving the way how a nigga be jugging She love how the way I was hurt but I shook it She love on the way I be gripping her booty She be loving the way how lil Ben tote that tooly." He sang softly grabbing my butt. I laugh smacking his hand but he wasn't letting up.
"Ima say it's okay, Ima leave em all clueless I don't hate you I love you forever we do it Got a tool to everyone around that be using Ima fool like every damn month I be moving Never quit when she say that I can't Ima take it." Just the sound of his voice can put me to sleep
"I love you Maya I'ma do right by you." Kentrell whisper in my ear kissing the lobe and we were both out like a light.
A/N hey guys sorry for the late update I've been extremely busy with everything going on right now I want to write it's just I'm busy and tired and I lost the last two chapters I wrote so I had to write something else. I'm trying guys just work with me. I'm not really a fan of this chapter but it's really just a filler I will be updating a better part soon. I hope y'all enjoy.
