How do you stay happy when the source of your happiness is fading?
Nardho used to think that he has it all: wonderful friends, caring siblings, a happy family, and a beautiful wife he adores. Life, however, does not always go according to plan. When...
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Author's remark about the music from YouTube: I choked at the "Like stars in heaven, and all the colors, and eternal love, and real lights" part. I'm borrowing that for my writing. By the way, content warning for blood and gore and police brutality in the video.
This is the best translation of Bintang di Surga so far (the translator chose to be literal but he managed to still make the English captions as graceful as the original Indonesian). Definitely has the "I am so freaking angry at God right now and this is killing me" vibe, which makes this the perfect song for our narrator.
The lyrics partially inspired me to write Starry Dreams in an Inferno (Nardho's poem for Moira). The meaning behind the poem's title is two-fold: Nardho is going through his own inferno and the solar system my characters live in is called Indigo Inferno. It is a play on both facts.
After my session with Dr. Amanda Torres, Kenta took me to a restaurant that specialized in chorizo lasagna—it was exactly what it said on the menu, chunks of spicy sausage in layers of tomato sauce and ricotta. I told him I was fully capable of paying for my own lunch, but he just wouldn't listen to me and retorted with "Going to therapy to stay afloat is expensive, you better save up your money for that and let me be nice to you because you're not nice to yourself lately". By the way, not to sound ungrateful or anything, but I couldn't finish my lasagna—you know that passage in the Matthews 5:13 about salt not being salty anymore because it loses its savor and is no longer good for anything except to be trampled? I think something must be wrong with my tongue. That or I've turned into a scum of the planet (I would say scum of the Earth, but that original home of humanity is no more) and a wretch for whom joy is unreachable. I'm no good for anything and someone should throw me out like they throw unsalted salt.
What are you giving me that look for? Oh yeah, Dr. Torres warned me against self-sabotage. Okay, maybe I'm not a scum, just troubled. Better? Enough discussion on salt for today, I'm turning into Johan but the contemptuous version. Actually, I envy him— his jinsei no hikari, the light of his life, can still laugh with him, smile with him, and appreciate reminiscent memories with him. What would he do if that changes?
"You okay? You've got that blank expression on your face." Kenta took one hand off the steering wheel to pat my shoulder and he gave me a quizzical look. I fought with myself over whether or not to ask him what I've meant to ask and finally I could no longer hold it in.
"What do you see in Johan?" I blurted out, the question sounded way more rude than intended.
He did not answer immediately but I watched as he fussed with the car stereo. "Listen to this real close and you shall get your answer. This was from way back when I confessed to him."
"You recorded your confession and have it saved in your car audio? Why?"
"To remind myself of what I like about him when the going got tough. Love is not something that just grow on its own, you know? It is like a seedling that needs to be watered regularly. This is how I water the metaphorical seedling. I'm sure Johan has his own way too."
