Always Love

Chapter 31: We Are Different

Emma

"So .. who did you call idiot?" Noah says, grinning like a child who just got a big lollipop. Noah and I are lying in my bed in Moon Haven. We left Amelia's place hours ago, because we wanted to have as much alone time as possible. It's already after midnight, but I guess we are too excited to fall asleep. To be honest, I have been dreaming about this moment ever since Noah and I broke up in the café years ago. I still can't believe what has happened in the past hours. Every cell of my body is filled with pure happiness and I can't help but start smiling. However, my smile vanishes as soon as several doubts cross my mind. We are happy now, that's right. But what about tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.

"What's wrong?" Noah asks. He must have noticed my frowns.

"I don't know... But how do I know that this time is different? We've tried so often now. And as you said, no matter how we do it.. we don't work," I say while looking and feeling absolutely miserable. Noah looks dead serious.

"It will be different. Because I ... we are different," he says and kisses me on my forehead.

"Yeah I know. But as soon as everything gets too personal for you, you completely shut me out of your life."

"What do you wanna know?" he asks quickly.

"I don't know. Anything. If I am being honest, I am scared. I am scared that you and me ... that the smallest event can separate us again. So I guess telling me things from your childhood ... opening up to me, will show me that we are indeed different. That this time ... we are really meant to get our happy ending." Noah looks me into my eyes and sighs. I guess that's it again. This is why I get up and want to get my t-shirt. But he stops me and now we are sitting face to face in the bed.

"Well I remember the first time after my dad had left pretty well. We lost our house and my mum was highly in debt. My mom's parents died in a car accident when she was 20. She didn't have any siblings either. So my mum was raised by her grandparents; my great grandmother died shortly after my birth and my great grandfather died some months later. Andy's family (who is ridiculously rich people by the way) abandoned him after he had married my mum. They thought that my mum, who worked her butt off in her own hair salon, wasn't good enough to become a Jones. So we had to get very creative about where to stay and you know what ? Times like this reveal people's true faces. Most of my mum's high society friends dropped her like a hot potato after they found out what had happened with my dad. Well, at first we stayed at rusty motels, but we ran out of money very soon and so we had to move out. My mum had to sell her saloon and with that money she could only pay back half of my dad's debts. And yeah .. she found a job as a cleaning lady, but she didn't earn a lot. Since winter was about to start, she spent most of her money on buying me warm clothes. We had stayed in random cars or train stations before she brought me to Amelia." Noah stops for a second. He takes a deep breath and continues with closed eyes. I am nervous because I assume that he is not going to tell me a story about having ice cream with his mother.

"One night ... my mum ... Well she couldn't buy us food for days, so she went into this club and left me in a car she had borrowed from one of her colleagues. The weeks before she had worked extra shifts in order to buy me a new book that I could read in the meantime. So I was in the car, reading Uncle Tom's Cabin and waiting for my mum to come back. She came back with bruises all over her body and when she thought that I'd fallen asleep, she started crying awfully. As an eleven year old kid I didn't know what might have happened in this club. But well, now I do know and this makes me wanna throw up. ... and I am absolutely sure that this was the moment my mum decided to bring me into an orphanage." Noah's eyes are still closed and from his expression I can tell that he tries to hold back tears. Oh lord. I was so clueless. Well I did know that his childhood was hard but I had never expected something like this. I put my head on his right shoulder and touch his cheeks with my hands. He starts smiling as soon as he feels my warm hands on his face.

"Noah. I am so sorry that this happened to you and your mum." This is the only thing I can utter right now. My heart feels incredibly heavy.

"My mum met Amelia in an AA meeting. Amelia accompanied her brother, who was an alcoholic for pretty much all of his life. They bonded and became very good friends," he continues.

"Amelia has a brother?" I ask surprised.

"She had one. He died one day after I'd graduated from uni. He couldn't stay sober. We tried pretty much everything to keep him from the bottle. I don't know how often Ethan and I literally had to drag him out of a bar. And yeah on this day, Fred stole a car, drove to a bar out of town and didn't make it home. He died in a car accident that he caused .... and killed a father and mother of an 5-year old boy. You might know him. It's Ben from the orphanage. Since Ben didn't have any relatives, Amelia didn't hesitate taking him into her orphanage ... and well as all of the kids, she also raised Ben, as if he was her own child."

Of course I know Ben. I saw him almost every day in Noah's box club back when we still lived in New York. Noah has a very special bond with him and I also like Ben a lot. He is 14-years old and a real girls magnet. However, not only do girls blush if they are anywhere near him, but Ben is also a true genius. Never have I lost a game of chess against someone other than my dad. He and I used to play every single evening , however, Ben destroyed me. Gosh. My heart can't take any more pain today. No wonder Noah wanted to escape from his life. To be honest, I feel quite guilty for my childhood at the moment. I grew up in a very protected environment. My dad and I were always together. I spent my afternoons in his office. Sometimes I was doing my homework, but mostly I was dancing. Every Monday and Wednesday we were cooking together. He read books to me or played something on the piano for me. I feel tears running down my cheeks. I miss my dad so much. He would have known what to do. He would have given Noah the best pep talk ever. I remember when my heart got broken for the first time in middle school by Chad Scott, he took the day off and we spent the entire day at a funfair. We ate so much candy floss on this day, my teeth even became pink from it.

"I ... I don't know what to say. Thank you for telling me this. Even if I want to cry my heart out right now, I am thankful that you've opened up to me." I open my arms and hug him.

"I love you," he says and hugs me even tighter.

Like I'm gonna lose you - Jasmin Thompson.