Always Love

Chapter 11: .... Stays In Vegas

Emma

"What happens in Vegas ... stays in Vegas. Aha. Do you really think that this is a good idea?" Emily asks. We have been sitting on my balcony for two hours now. Emily spent the weekend with me in Moon Haven, however, she will leave today. We really had to catch up on things. She told me everything about the proposal and I explained the Vegas thing to her. Besides that, my friends love Moon Haven as much as I do. Min and Mary visited me last week and we literally spent most of the days in Lucy's diner. And Patricia came last month; she even considers moving into the house next door.

"Maybe it is. Maybe this works for us." 

"But is he seeing other women too?"

"I didn't ask and I don't wanna know to be honest."

"I don't know Emma. I don't think that this is such a good idea. I mean, it's your decision, but starting an affair with your ex sounds ... complicated. Particularly, if there are strong feelings involved. I mean you were an emotional wreck after Noah and you had broken up." She is right. I was a complete disaster.

" ... and I don't wanna make any assumptions. But Noah has changed a lot. He barely comes home and it seems that he doesn't care about his family anymore. I guess this father thing threw him completly off track. I can't blame him for that to be honest; Ethan told me horrible things ..."

"What things?" I ask curiously. I know almost nothing about his time in the orphanage.

"Ethan told me that Noah was severely underweight when he came to the orphanage. At first he also refused to eat and he was so weak that they had to feed him with the bottle. Noah also ran away very often and tried to find his mum. Once they couldn't find him for some days. The police finally found him after two days, completely starved under a bridge. He was surrounded by drunk homeless people who took care of him."

I don't know what to say, but the anger towards Dean Watson is growing and growing. How could he do something like this? I know that he was mentally ill, but a 10 year old or actually nobody should experience something like this.

"This is horrible ...," I whisper.

"Yeah ...and there are many more stories like this. I know that you want to help him Emma, but I don't think that he wants any help right now. This is leading nowhere. I am worried that he will hurt you."

"I know. I am clueless Emily. But for now I am happy. I had the best days with him last weekend. On Saturday we drove to a very cute little town, which was an hour away from here. We spent the entire morning in a café, went to the local library and read weird books to each other. Then, we bought some food at the supermarket and had a picnic in the park. The town also had a drive-in and we watched The Way We Were. On Sunday he took me to Yale and I helped him preparing everything for the exhibition. One second, he is the man I've fallen in love with so hard and then seconds later he is a complete stranger to me. We can have the deepest conversations about any literary characters, but as soon as we switch to real life, he shuts down."

"Your last weekend sounds nice. Do you have plans for tonight .. or next week?"

"Actually I haven't heard from him for five days. I guess he is extremely busy." Emily rolls her eyes and I know exactly what she is thinking.

"Stop. Don't look at me like this."

"No Emma .. this is what I mean. We aren't 16 anymore. This hot and cold thing should be over. Listen, it is very simple: If you like someone, you want to be with this person permanently. It hurts me to say, but Noah doesn't want to be in a relationship and I think you should let him go. I noticed that you looked at your phone all the time and now I know that you hoped for a message from him. I am sorry."

"He is the love of my life Emma."

"I know ... But this won't make you happy. If you ask for my advice, leave him before he hurts you even more. And if you want to have another advice from me - wow I am really feeling like a students councilor; Christian is the real deal. I was completely enchanted by him when you introduced him to me in New York. He really likes you; I can tell from the way he looks at you. Christian is a real man who knows what he wants. He isn't afraid of commitment."

"Noah wasn't always like this. We had a great relationship." Even if I know that Emily is right, I want to justify Noah.

"Past tense, Emma, past tense. You were a wonderful couple. Your relationship could have been straight out of a book. But you have to realize that Noah is not the same person anymore. He spent the last years god knows where, with god knows how many women. He didn't care to visit his sick mum, he didn't care to come home when Ethan and I ..... Ethan would have needed him. And he also wasn't interested in joining Liam's welcome back party. His brother served over two years in Afghanistan. Is this the man you are in love with? Sorry Emma .. I don't want to sound harsh, but your Noah doesn't exist anymore.

I nod.

"Well let's change the topic - this is getting depressing - and focus on the most important question: What do you wanna do for you Bachelorette party?" All of a sudden, Emily's worried expression disappears and she starts grinning like a Cheshire cat. While she is talking about all the crazy things she wants to do for her party, I am thinking about the things Emily has just said. Actually she is right. The man I met in the club years ago is gone and I am really not sure if he will ever come back. He isn't ready to let me in .. to let me help him. I guess this has to end.