Always Love

Chapter 26: Father

Noah

"You are going to quit at Yale?" Andy says. I am sitting in front of my laptop in my office at Yale and he is standing next to my desk. I might have indicated something like leaving Yale to some of my colleagues and of course this rumor made it to the Dean.

"I don't know. Nothing has been decided yet," I answer as distant as possible. Andy is about to turn around and I feel relieved that he wants to leave. However, he stops in front of the door and I know that he wants to get something off his chest.

"I made an unforgivable mistake, Noah. I was a mess after Loyd's suicide. I couldn't get the picture of my best friend out of my head, who was hanging on this rope. I couldn't stop thinking about the 30 minutes in which I gave everything to bring him back to life and failed. I guess a part of me died with him in this room. And I was weak, I was too weak to accept any help and I ran away. You and your mum have been through hell because of me and you don't know how much I hate myself for this. I know that I will never make amends and I know that not even in an alternative world would you spend Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Year's Eve with me. But please, don't let my mistakes and my cowardly behavior control your life. I mean I don't have to tell you that you are a great man. You are a literary professional - I've read your latest short stories a thousand times; they are beyond great. You have a family that loves you endlessly and friends that would give their lives for you. That sounds super awesome, don't you think? And you have clearly found the one. I know I don't have the right to give you any fatherly advice, but Emma loves you and it would be very stupid to leave the field to this health guy. But for your own sake Noah, stop fighting against me, stop fighting against the world and most importantly stop fighting against yourself. Be happy. Life is too short to waste it with being mad at the world. And let's be honest, not everything was bad about your childhood. You've found a second mother in Amelia and a brother in Ethan. And you had the best dad in Frank. I know you don't want to hear it, but ... I love you and I miss reading Huckleberry Finn with you."

Wow now I clearly know why I am so good with words. I got it from him. And it kills me to admit, but he has a point with all of this. I don't wanna be angry anymore. All of this darkness in me just made everything worse and led me nowhere. It's high time that I jumped over my shadow and mastered my fears. It's high time that I tried to give this man a second chance.

"Don't expect me to call you dad." That's the only thing I bring out. I mean he is still a douche. Andy looks like he has just seen a ghost and I think I can see tears in his eyes.

"... and send me a Thanksgiving invitation. I'd love to spend it with Lily ... and I don't care if other people are in the house as well."

Father - Demi Lovato