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After learning that Monty had read his letter, I wondered how long it'd take Sam to read hers. It worried me because I knew what that'd do to her, even if I didn't know what Jasper had left behind. I knew because I understood what Jasper meant to Sam. I understood the pain of losing a brother even if the pain from that time in our lives when Bellamy had become someone neither of us could recognize, was numb now. I knew because I had seen her mourn Lincoln silently around me even if it killed her. I was sure Bellamy and the rest thought we had had time to mourn our losses but, truth was, we hadn't. How could we when we woke up every day in fear there'd be a new uprising and one of us could fall? How could she have mourned with Sheda's murderer in her head? I wanted that valley for my sister so that she could find her peace.
I was angry she'd try to step over me. I was angry she had Ascended both times. I was angry I felt like each step we took towards our salvation, we took two away from each other. I was terrified of losing her. And I needed her to know that. I knew I had said despicable things when the rage blinded me; I had never been as good as she had become to measure her words and she had every right to be furious with me. She'd have been right to take Diyoza's offer and go with Echo to the valley, but I knew what had held her back wasn't me. I wasn't the family that held Sam back any longer, it was Lila and, I knew, whatever Sam had done since the moment the bunker closed, and for the rest of her life, would be for her child and her child only. I had to learn to be second best now.
I couldn't sleep, so I got out of the bunker for a walk on my own, going over everything that had happened since that hole opened on the ceiling. I wanted that valley at any cost because it was ours; we spent years underground with the promise of leaving it behind for a new home. That home was the valley, and Diyoza, McCreary and their people were in my way. And I knew Sam knew that, but she was also not going to go over Murphy and Raven's bodies to get it. I couldn't understand why; I couldn't understand why she thought they'd welcome her back with open arms after six years. Could we trust each other like that after so long? I wasn't so sure. Maybe, if it had been anyone else, Sam would have had her doubts too but not with Raven and Murphy. Of course not. Too much history.
I heard someone sobbing somewhere around me in the quiet of the night, pausing my walk and looking around, seeing the light of a torch at the top of one of the buildings and, even if I couldn't distinguish who it was, I knew it. I knew it was my sister. I rushed up the stairs, knowing why she was alone and up there; I knew she was reading Jasper's letter and, even if we had just had the biggest fight since we met, that didn't stop me from worrying.
- "Sam?"
I walked out onto the rooftop, Sam's eyes on me for just a second before I realized what was happening, rushing to her side and pulling her from the edge but not touching her further, leaving her some space, kneeling in front of her, watching as the tears streamed down her face and she struggled to breathe.
