Holding On (A Harry Styles Love Story)

Lessons, Love, and Innocence

xxxxx

-Harry

I read the letter in the voice I missed so much, and a salty teardrop slid off of my cheek and fell right on the word 'forever.' I wiped my eyes and noticed two tiny charmed taped to the bottom of the paper under his signature. I carefully removed the tape and held the charms in my hand, running my fingers over the engraved words, of course they were song lyrics. One had the words:

I have loved you for a thousand years, I'll love you for a thousand more.

The other one, in small, cursive print:

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I gripped the counter behind be to steady myself as tears stung my eyes, threatening to overflow. I tried my hardest not to let them, determined that crying showed defeat, and I wouldn't be defeated. The distance between us was just another trial, but I knew we would prevail. Because a love like ours just doesn't lose.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Three more months passed. It was now May. I became wrapped up in my school work, studying for finals and the ACT. Harry'd been doing events, shows, interviews, anything that could help promote the new album. We started to talk about once a week, and that was either on the phone or over Skype. However, as time went on, we went longer and longer without hearing from one another. Sometimes we'd go weeks at a time without speaking. The longer we were apart, the more it hurt. But I knew that it couldn't last forever, and that was the price I paid for being with him. But it was utterly and completely worth it. My love for him was what kept me holding on for so long. And every time I looked down or happened to notice the necklace I was wearing or the charm bracelt around my wrist, it reminded me that wherever he was, he missed me, too.

Everything around me brought him to my mind. I couldn't go to the store without seeing his face on a magazine; I couldn't go to school without someone asking me about him. You would think that after months of people knowing about us, they would eventually loose interest. No such luck.

Every love song on the radio reminded me of him, and every sad song reminded me of how empty I felt without him. I began to wonder: Is this healthy? I'm so wrapped up in him that he's occupying my every thought. Shouldn't I have my own separate life, one that he's not part of? But I constantly learned new things. I learned the meaning of two becoming one. One heart beating in two separate bodies- that's how it seemed with Harry and me. I also learned how rough love can be. Love isn't just an emotion; it's much stronger than that. It's a force that leaks into your soul and takes over every organ in your body, leaving you feeling dead, but very much alive. Almost like a new being. Someone more powerful, more sturdy. More capable of dealing with the new life that love has laid out. But it's a better life; it's more worth-while. It's a lot to handle, a lot to take in. You can't hold on to the edge when the waves get wild. Let go; trust that everything will be exactly how it's supposed to be. Because after all, love is the only thing that can piece you back together when you're shattered.

I've discussed these lessons and realizations with my mother and Jessica. Jessica tries to comprehend, but I can tell that she doesn't understand the depths of what I'm saying. My mother does. She tells me that I'm having particularly heavy thoughts for a girl who turns eighteen in two weeks. I guess I'm just a teenager who was forced to grow up too fast.

Who did we all want to grow up, anyway? Growing up means becoming mature, right? When we were little, we were sane. Innocent, playful, happy. The world was our playground, and that's all we thought it would ever be. If we knew that we would lose our sweet disposition, our naive hearts, we wouldn't have daydreamed about growing up. Over-thinking, loss, depression, that's what welcomes us into our adult years, isn't it?