I have to be honest, I did not want to go to college for the longest time. I felt like I was dragging my feet anywhere I went. From class to class, teacher to teacher, having to memorize the names to faces and reading endlessly only to return to a crazy roommate was not my style. This impacted my schedule so much that I'd started sleeping through classes and the worry of failing slipped so far past my mind that it no longer existed. I told my parents that I was trying my best but in reality, I didn't really care. I was scraping by for two years and just wanted everything to end quickly so that I could get a job already but nothing I was learning made me excited to wake up in the morning anymore.
Just before Covid hit, my boyfriend broke up with me in November. It wasn't a surprise, so I wasn't as hurt as I thought I'd be. So I kept trudging along waiting for winter break. That is until the real moment hit. My 'lollypop' moment, or course.
It was December 10th, 2019 at around 6:30 in the morning when I got a call from my mother. I guess she knew I'd be awake because of track practice every weekday. I hesitated, feeling a lump in my throat before she even finished her sentence.
I apologized to her as she sniffled on the other end and told me that she'd send my brother to come pick me up in a few days for the wake. The walk outside that morning was much colder than I'd remembered, maybe it was just one of those days or maybe it was how I felt inside and out walking to the van alone that day. How I felt slamming the medicine ball into the brick wall or even when I told my coach why I'd be missing for the next few days.
I didn't realize then that I had to live my life how I wanted to though, no, it was when I stood in the rain staring at my grandfather's casket as each one of my 37 relatives placed a white rose on top, no longer caring who saw them cry. With my uncle's words sticking with me even now as he described how my grandfather always cared about each one of us and who we were, I knew I had to really make a life for myself that I wanted to live.
Every day, all I wish was that I could thank him for being there even when I didn't realize it. I wish that I could just see him one more time before that rainy December day.
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RandomThis was made for my favorite middle/high school essays and poems :) I hope you all enjoy them!! I found out that after we graduate from high school our school accounts get deleted and we lose all of the work we had done since we were first given ou...
