At Least 5 Paragraphs

Journal 1

Chapter 1 of the Situation: Finding a Spot

It was later than we would usually meet but it still felt nice to see him after being away at school for so long.  The chills from the eleven o'clock nightfall didn't bite me for I felt close enough to him that I was perfectly warm and comfortable as is.  I closed the door to his truck and leaned in to give him a kiss as I did the day before but he dodged me.  I pouted and asked why. 

He only turned to look over his shoulder as he backed down my driveway, "I'm driving, I can't."  He didn't look at me for the rest of the ride nor did he say anything of importance. 

I pointed out the nice houses as we always liked to and tried to make conversation about politics or our high school life, anything to get him to talk with me but he just nodded along.  The feeling of hurt and loss crept over my shoulder but I flicked it away when he parked at the elementary school down the street from my house. Piping up with a smile, I leaned over to him and started to talk about memories I'd had at the school, "It's so cold out.  I remember having to line up at the blacktop every morning for attendance before heading to class!"  I looked over at him to see him scrolling through Instagram without looking up.

"Oh, really?"  His dry response made my energy falter.  I didn't know if I should ask if everything was okay or just assume that he was bored since we already saw each other the day before. 

"I remember back then we would run around the back of the school before the playscape was built.  We didn't really know what to do when it was put there because we were mostly running around all the time during recess."  I kept sharing funny stories about my childhood at the school he parked us in when he cut me off with a sigh.

"Can I take you home, Sophia?  We haven't really been doing anything this whole time, we're just sitting in a parking lot doing nothing."  I stared back at him not knowing what was going on but he looked tired so I smiled and agreed.

Before saying anything else, he started his white Chevy Silverado and sped down to my house.  When we reached the top of my driveway I looked to the back and saw an orange twinging light, "it looks like they had the fire after all!"  Looking back at him with a smile I was about to ask if he wanted to join but he wasn't facing me.  I could tell something was wrong by the way his hand covered his eyes and his other fingers tapped ecstatically against his jeans.  "What's wrong?"  A question I never wish I'd asked.

"I'm so sorry, Sophia. I love you, I really do."  My heartbeat picked up as he let his hand down to reveal tears dripping down his face.  His eyes a puffy blush as he sniffled through his words, "I can't do this anymore, I can't keep hurting you like this. I'm so sorry."  He was pushing me away and for a moment I kind of felt like I knew it was going to happen. 

All those weeks without texting or calling.  Those nights of saying, 'goodnight, I love you,' with no response until the next day's afternoon.  It all came together with just one conversation late at night.  The only thing I could hear was my own thoughts echo endlessly through my mind. Why now?  What did I do so wrong that makes you love me but want to break up with me after almost two years?  I don't understand how you can spend the weekend with me just to leave everything like this.  Why didn't you tell me sooner?

After sitting there seemingly listen to him weep next to me I wiped my first but not the last tear away and cracked through an almost silent voice, "I don't understand what you're talking about.  How have you been hurting me?"  I wanted to scream!  The tension in his truck was freezing in the air becoming heavier and heavier with every breath. 

I awaited his answer while neither of us could meet the other's eyes.  It was an uncomfortable feeling I wouldn't wish on anyone.  When he finally spoke, I wanted to choke on the air I was breathing, "every call, every text, I couldn't answer you because I just didn't want to talk to you anymore."  He kept talking but I zoned out.