Mum's The Word (Sequel To Just Say The Word)

Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Mackenzie's P.O.V.

Was it possible to love and hate someone at the same time? I never thought so before, but Lance was really making me question my every thought lately. I knew he wanted me. He admitted it! But he wouldn't try, wouldn't leap into the unknown, wouldn't just feel.

I pondered all of this as I headed for Liam's table in the cafeteria. Today was the day I had promised him I would hang out with him. Even though we weren't dating and had come to a mutual conclusion that we weren't in love anymore, we wanted to try and be friends. He was a part of my life; a permanent fixture that I wasn't too keen on losing just yet.

I sat down across from him and next to Clark, tray of mozzarella sticks in front of me. "Hey," I squeaked. That didn't come out the way I planned, but I was kind of nervous.

Liam smiled at me. "Hey." For a long moment we made eye contact, communicating our feelings. He seemed to be trying to reassure me about this whole situation and I was trying to calm myself down. The moment was broken however when Clark spoke.

"Hey smart-ass."

I chuckled slightly before meeting his gorgeous gray eyes. "Hey there." He was smiling at me. I felt welcomed.

Then Macey, Tracy, and Riley all came and sat down, Tracy next to Liam, Riley on Clark's other side, and Macey across from Riley. No one seemed to want to speak first so I took the initiative. "I don't hate any of you...if that's what you're thinking." My gaze wandered over all of theirs to judge their reactions. Tracy almost seemed relieved, Macey cast her eyes down, and Riley remained nonchalant. "I mean," I continued. "I don't blame any of you. My problems were from home. I just..." I took a deep breath. "Thank you all for helping me readjust as someone new; as Makayla. That really means a lot to me."

Then Tracy smiled at me. "No problem. Makayla was lovely."

I returned her smile. "I heard you and Makayla were somewhat like best friends."

She began unwrapping her sandwhich. "You heard correct. She made a great shopping buddy."

I nodded. "Well I wouldn't mind attempting to shop with you as Mackenzie." And I really wouldn't. Despite my distaste for shopping, I was willing to try new things if it meant redefining myself. I didn't want to be known as that poor girl he tried to kill herself or that poor girl who's schizo. That wasn't who I was, just some unfortunate situations I ended up in.

Tracy looked at me in surprise. "Y-yeah, I mean if you want to that'd be great I guess, yeah I mean..yeah."

I could tell I had surprised her, all of them probably. "And Macey, I promise to stay out of your way if you want me to. I don't want to intrude. And I really am sorry for what I did. It was never my intention to cause any drama. I really did value your friendship."

She stared at me long and hard, as if trying to figure me out. "What's your game, Mackenzie?"

I shook my head. "I don't know what you mean."

"What is all of this? Why are you apologizing to all of us? Why are you even sitting here?"

Liam glared at her. "Mace," he scolded.

"No its fine," I assured him. "I lost three months of my life. I.." I took a deep breath to calm myself before I spoke. "I lost two very important people, I was a social outcast, I was raped, and then I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder. I've been slowly losing myself all year. I just..I don't want to dwell on the bad things. They're too many of them. If I do, I'll submerge myself in despair and desperation and Mackenzie won't climb out of that pit, Makayla will..or someone else. Who knows? My point is, I want to be me and I want to be happy. I want to move on. Can you help me move on?"

She kept staring at me, icy blue eyes deliberating. Then she broke her stare and tense posture. "Well that's just cheating. How am I supposed to hate you when you play the pity card?"

And I laughed. I laughed because that was as close as I was getting to an acceptance from Macey.

She sent me a small annoyed smile, but a smile nonetheless.

I watched Riley watch her out of the corner of my eye. He didn't look so amused with the way things turned out. In fact, he looked pissed at her.

"I'm sorry to you too, Riley." He didn't look up at me. "I'm betrayed your trust, broke promises. I truly am sorry and I hope one day you'll forgive me."

He stood abruptly. "Fat chance." Then he walked away. I didn't bother to watch where he went. I already knew he would leave. That's how Riley dealt with his problems. He was probably going to find some cookie dough ice cream to sit and stew over. Drama queen.

Liam reached across the table to gently brush my hand in reassurance. "He'll come around." He and Clark shared a look. "Eventually," he added.

I smiled at him and nodded. Riley would be the toughest friend to regain.

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After school let out, I agreed to hang out with Liam for a bit. It was almost as if we were becoming friends- actual friends. We had hung out before but I think we both knew we wanted more than just a friendship. So hanging out with no altering motives was new and refreshing for me.

Naturally, he took me to his house first. When we got there, Allyson almost had a heart attack. She embraced me and cried and cried and cried. I told her I missed her and she cried some more. If it wasn't for Liam's brother intervening I think she would've kept me in her arms for the rest of the night.

"I take it you're the infamous Mackenzie," Kalum greeted me with a smile.

I returned it. "I take it you're the notorious Kalum."

"Notorious?" He raised one of his eyebrows in a silly over exaggerated way.

I stifled a chuckle. "Mhm. For loitering money and sailing to foreign countries and such."

His gaze hardened as it reached Liam, who was conveniently located behind my small frame. "You told her?"

Liam seemed to merge into a permanent part of my back. "Well he told you I tried to kill myself so I think it's a fair exchange."

I realized it was the wrong thing to say when both boys stiffened. I kept forgetting that while I had accepted it and attempted to move on, everyone else was still recovering from it. "Sorry," I muttered. "Too soon." And then Kalum burst into laughter. He clapped me on the back, successfully rattling his little brother out from behind me.

"I like this one. You single? I mean, I like my girls a little more sane, but for you I could make an acception."

Liam tensed up at his words and I could feel him getting ready to defend me so I laughed. "Sorry buddy, you're not my type."

He smirked and eyed me playfully. "Oh yeah, and who is?"

I shrugged. "You know, aggressive biker dudes who let me ride their motorcycles, or take me cliff diving."

His eyes narrowed. "If that was a Twilight reference any friendship we were forming is completely void now."

I smiled and poked his chest. "Au contraire, my dear friend.  The fact that you got the reference means we're going to be great friends."

He playfully glared at me before Liam inserted himself between us. "You know," he commented. "Just because we're not dating anymore doesn't mean you can flirt with my brother. It's disgusting."

I smiled and cooed at him. "Awwh, Li-Li are you jealous?" I pinched his cheek as I spoke and he swatted me away.

Kalum laughed before pulling both me and Liam underneath each of his arms and leading us into the living room. "Don't mind him, best friend. All the ladies love me. He just can't handle it."

I laughed as Liam tugged out of his older brother's grasp. Then we spent the rest of the day watching movies, playing Uno, and torturing Liam. It was the most fun I'd had since "waking up."