Thoughts... (2)

Quote 18

Dear Diary, 

There are things that we want to go away. But, it's not that easy.

We want things to go, but half of them are unknown to us too. So, then, how to let go of them?

Moreover, when we do get to know them, who will help us to let go of them? 'Cause I know that someone has to be there with me, for me to make them let go of me.

These feelings, they are destroying me from the inside. They have created these walls which are too hard to break. Maybe, what all I experienced wasn't too bad. But, it didn't stop anytime and it never will. And because of these feelings staying for such a long period of time, they have increased and erased all these good things about and of me from myself.

In the start, I was afraid. But, now, it's like the only thing I have. The only thing that will stay with me. Bad or good, it stays with you. Wherever I go, it is with me, beneath me, guiding me and I love it. I really do. Even if it's the worst thing anyone would think I have, I feel good, so I don't care about others thinking and judgemental attitude.

I can't be happy because of this thing. Yes, I love it. But, it's not necessary that it keeps you happy also. I do smile and laugh here and there. But, that's really less from the times I cry and I'm in pain.

It makes me feel sad, depressed. And because of this only, I do nothing all day.

Yes, maybe, I'll regret about this in my future or maybe I do now.

But, I can't get rid of it.

Even though I love it, if I can get rid of it, I would, but I'm unable to. Cause nobody knows about it. Cause nobody needs me or like me or love me.

Alive or dead, it's the same thing in their eyes. They use me, hurt me and play with me. I feel like a toy to them as to whenever use it and then throw it.

They say too much bad things to me and expect me to not get hurt by their words. They want me to move on like nothing happened, but it did. And, maybe or surely it had not made any effects on them. But, it did break me down.

So it was better for me to close down my emotions, and that's what I have done.

But thinking about the past and the present and what they said, it still kills me in the inside. I still cry over thinking about those old, very much short-lived happy times. It breaks me each day. They don't know this nor will they ever know about it. But, it's killing me slowly every day and it's not that far from the day when I'm actually dead.

This is something we feel many a times. 

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