Dear diary,
People ask me if I'm okay or if I'm doing better or if something is going in my life that I might want to share.
But, how and what do I answer to them? Not every time I can recite my everyday life story. Not every time, I would be able to tell the whole story or express what I'm feeling.
Heck, I don't even know what I feel half of the times every day. Cause every day, there are so many things happening in my life that when one emotion changes to another, I myself am not able to know and understand them.
Everyday life prepares new struggles for me that gives me a constant reminder that I can never be at peace. That no day ever in my life will pass by when I am not shocked, stunned or in tears. That each day I will face new challenge throughout which I have to keep and be strong and fight it. But, how can I hold myself up forever?
Doesn't this thing becoming a routine break you down? Cause, I sure as hell have.
All these things happening each day doesn't keep me strong anymore, it hurts me, kills me inside. It makes me weak and fragile. And, I'm not okay. I don't think I'll ever be okay. 'Cause not one day passes by when I feel that, 'Yes, moments like these to happen again I have to and should live for'. That my life would change so I shouldn't give up so easily. That, all of this will stop one day. That it would be better from that day onwards. And to see that day, I have to live, not kill myself.
Every time, I talk to someone, he or she tells me one of the above things. And that's why I am still waiting for that day to happen because I have given up hoping. I'm just waiting now, not hoping. Cause hope only breaks you down further. These hopes, how much small they are, they are never fulfilled. They never happen. And therefore you have stopped believing in it. At some time, it used to give you some strength, some power, some spirit. But now all it does is the opposite.
So, yes I'm not okay and I'm afraid I'll never be.
आप पढ़ रहे हैं
Thoughts... (2)
कथेतर साहित्यYou can also check out my first book to this one 'Thoughts..'. Go to the link below: http://www.wattpad.com/69625419-thoughts-wattys2014-quote-1 The journey continues on.... Just my thoughts on friendship, self-harming, pain and broken heart. Not al...
