Alpha's Girl

Chapter 21

In the days that followed there was nothing but movement. I couldn't stay still. I had to move around to keep the grief from killing me. So I walked around the house at night instead of sleeping. I never went near Lyra's room. I walked the forest during the day. No one spoke to me or tried. Not even Mackenzie or Jayden. No one understood. No one.

Loneliness was everything now. I couldn't be around breathing people. If there wasn't Lyra there was no one. Sometimes I'd at the edge of the forest and wait. I didn't know what for maybe a rouge to eat me or for me to finally come back to sanity again but there was no luck so far. Jayden kept an eye on me. I knew there were wolves that followed me during the night and the day as well. Just to make sure I didn't kill myself. Lyra would never forgive me if I did so I didn't.

Though the thought was definitely tempting at times when the grief became too much when the pain had finally gotten to my heart. There was nothing in my heart except pain and nothing in my head except numbness. I tried not to remember her but how do you forget someone you loved for 13 years? I definitely can't.

I walked through the forest often thinking random thoughts about Lyra but then pushing them back because they hurt too much. I wondered if Lyra was watching me slowly fall to pieces. I wondered if she was in a better world than the one she left me in. I wondered if she watched with sympathy like everyone else or if she watched with love.

I scuffed my feet off the ground. I was too exhausted from grief to be particularly angry. My uncle was dead I didn't have to kill anyone. Jayden had already done that for me. I was glad because it would only make me feel worse if I killed him. I heard the footsteps of the wolves that watched me. I didn't pay too much attention to them. I concentrated on my heart beat for some strange reason.

I couldn't help thinking what I would be doing if Lyra was still alive. Probably I would be with Jayden and Mackenzie. She should have never came here. I gulped and decided and would turn around. It was getting dark and Jayden would want me to eat something. I didn't eat very much. I ate a little so that Jayden wouldn't lock me up in my room and have 24/7 care for me.

When I got back to the pack house Jayden was playing with Jenna and Mackenzie. I didn't give them a second look. He followed me into the kitchen. There was a plate of sandwiches. I reached over and took one.
"How was your walk?" he asked. I didn't answer. I hadn't spoke in days. He grunted and sat beside me. "Listen I know it's hard but you have to talk to me. I need to know you're OK," he said.

I stared at my sandwich in silence. Was he stupid? I couldn't reply. I wasn't OK. I was far from it. Lyra was so brave. She helped me through grief like this. Sometimes grief was something you could run from but now I had no one to run to no one who understood. No one who could comfort me. There was no such person. No one who loved Lyra like I did. Jayden broke the silence.

"Roseanne please answer me you haven't spoke in days." I looked up at him. I hadn't looked someone in the eye for days either. I gritted my teeth and swallowed.
"I'm not OK." I said my voice was barely a whisper. He touched my cheek. I pushed his hand away. I didn't like people touching me. His jaw tightened. I knew watching me like this was hard for him but he'll never understand a bond between siblings he's never had any. He'll never understand what I had with Lyra. We went through so much together. There was not one person that knew Lyra better than me. Not one and no one knew me better than her. She was around me her whole life.

I waited for him to respond. He didn't he just stared at me. I dropped my eyes back to the sandwich. I picked it up and took a bite. It took all my might to swallow it.
"I know it's hard but-" Jayden began.
"No you don't know. You've never had a sibling. You never even knew Lyra that much. You don't get it." I put down my plate and got up. He caught my wrist. I yanked it from is grasp.
"I'm sorry you're right I don't get it but if you just explain it to me maybe I can help." I shook my head.
"The only thing that'll help is if you just leave me alone." I said.

I hated being a werewolf. I wanted to be normal. If I was a human I wouldn't have to worry about massive wolves ripping Lyra to shreds or packs coming after others packs for revenge there was nothing worse than being a werewolf. I hated it.

I didn't like it much up and when I had Mackenzie I was thinking about running away becoming a human. Now I had no choice and I knew someone who could alter Mackenzie's memory to make her believe she was a human.