Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 40

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"My surprise?" I queried. For a moment, I had completely forgotten about why I was no longer at Toto and Susie's house. My eyes flicked from Lando's comforting face to my surroundings: we were parked at the end of a long gravel driveway, birch trees were scattered randomly across the grass that wrapped around the small cottage to my left. The walls of the cottage looked to be made out of an almost even amount of stone and mortar, or at least that's what I had observed through the thick growing of emerald green ivy that climbed up towards the thatched roof. Now that the engine was turned off, I could hear the distant cawing of seagulls. I turned my gaze up to the brilliant, clear blue sky where I could see a few birds flying over the house.

I furrowed my brow and turned back to Lando. "Where are we? What are we doing here?"

"We're on the south coast," he replied. His bright eyes flickered behind me but then rested on my face again. He offered me a small smile. "We thought you could do with a break away."

"We?"

"Well, it was mainly Max's idea." Just hearing his name made my heart pound, however this was accompanied by a sinking feeling when Lando nodded his head in the direction of the cottage behind me. I closed my eyes and let out a soft sigh. I just knew that Max would be standing there and I didn't feel ready to face him just yet. I had gone over what I wanted to say to him upon our inevitable reunion however nothing seemed right. There was so much that I needed to say and I simply could not find the words to say it. It's not fair on him to be doing this - I know that. It's just going to hurt us both even more. Why couldn't he have just respected my wishes that I'm not ready for this conversation?

I wet my lips with my tongue before holding them together with my teeth. A few seconds passed us in silence, the two of us sharing an unblinking stare. Eventually, I let out a sigh and dropped my gaze. "I'm not ready for this. Take me back home, please." By home, I meant the Wolff's house in Oxfordshire. It was the place I felt safest at the moment.

"Lys, " Lando frowned and gave me a sympathetic look, "You'll need to talk it out with him sooner or later."

* tw - description of panic attack for five paragraphs*

"I choose later." My heart thumped louder and started to feel close to my throat, it was also getting increasingly difficult to breathe. I was still feeling on edge after the horrible dream I had so it didn't take much to send my body into a panic. No matter how deep the breaths that I took were, my lungs didn't seem to be filling up with enough air and I found myself spiralling into a panic. The trembling started at the tips of my fingers, however quickly shook through my entire body. I could see Lando's lips moving as he presumably tried to calm me down, but any noise was drowned out by a high-pitched ringing in my ear. "I can't do this." Even my own voice sounded distant, like an echo in my mind. I don't know how my numbing lips were able to form the words.

The soft click of the door handle snapped my attention away from Lando. The cool air from the opened door soothed my warming face and filled my lungs with something that felt more breathable. Max crouched down beside me, his shoes crunching the gravel underneath them as he adjusted his position. Only when he placed a comforting hand on my shoulder did I feel the sudden urge to leap into his arms. I knew I shouldn't; I won't be able to calm down like that. The ringing seemed to have stopped, but there was a pressure in my temple in its place.

"Schatje, what's wrong?" Just hearing his voice made my heart lurch with guilt and tears quickly spilled from the corners of my eyes onto my cheeks. Max must've realised that I couldn't get the words out. "Lando?"