Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 52

posting now bc i won't be on wattpad much for the first few days of new year to upload this chapter. i've kept you waiting for long enough, anyway. i apologise in advance for how short and shitty this is.

thank you for not giving up on me. your votes and comments really do inspire me, and i thank you in advance for your engagement with this chapter. please read the important author's note at the end. this chapter is dedicated to a close friend who has really helped me over the past few weeks. love her with all of my heart ❤️

please note that there is a potential trigger warning for this chapter. it isn't a spoiler that the topic of death and grief is prevalent. please don't read if this will upset you greatly or makes you uncomfortable in anyway. 

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No matter how many years would pass, I knew that the pain of visiting my father's final resting place would never subside. He is the main reason for my love of the sport I have turned into my career. If it wasn't for his constant support and perseverance whenever I encountered a barrier, which was usually in the form of a sexist or misogynistic idiot, I would never have been given the opportunities that propelled me forward and probably would've given up relatively early on. I am eternally grateful for him. Right now, it feels like my desire to pay him back for all of the hours sacrificed to get me where I am is the only thing spurring me on. I wish nothing more than for him to still be with us. I want to make him proud.

It's been four years since I saw his smile in the flesh, or heard his laugh, or given him a hug. Four long years. Cancer is cruel and unforgiving - it doesn't give two shits if you're a good person or if there are people around you who love you. Not only was the disease cruel enough to pluck my dad from this Earth, but it also felt the need to claim my mother, too. 

Even before his passing, I have been dedicated in supporting the research to find a cure for Cancer, granted it was only really amplified when I experienced first hand the pain that it can inflict on not only those with the disease, but also those who are close to them. As a Formula One driver, I have been a huge platform in which I can promote this important cause, as well as many others. Several charities are promoted on my race suit (and Stof's and Lewis's when I explained the importance of it) including Cancer Research UK and Macmillan Cancer Support. The latter charity was especially helpful with my dad during his diagnosis and treatment, and continued their support even after his passing. Out of my pay check, a percentage is split amongst all of the charities I currently support, however the ones closer to home typically receive a larger portion.

I hated the fact that I wouldn't be able to visit my dad's grave on the anniversary of his death. This would be the first, and hopefully last, instance of this happening. Instead, the day before would just have to do. Luckily, Juliette agreed to meet Max and I at the graveyard so it wasn't something I had to deal with alone. Andrea, my dad's widowed partner, agreed to keep Xavier company whilst Juliette was gone. 

The tightness in my chest and the feeling of damp cheeks from my crying was something I had gotten quite used to over the last month, however this didn't make it any less painful. As I sat crosslegged in front of the marble headstone recounting stories from the past few months, I hoped that my dad was able to hear me in addition to Max and Juliette. I told him some of the highlights from my most recent races, as well as the lows from my personal life outside of the sport. I had never been a religious person, however I knew my dad believed in God and would be safe in His arms in the heaven he knew existed. I could find peace in that. 

For four hours, one for every year without my dad, I stayed at the graveyard. Despite this, the time seemed to pass by too quickly for my liking and, before I knew it, I was getting in the car and headed to the airport.