Away We Go • 2 • Formula One

Chapter 40

"I dunno, mate. It's just suddenly come on," Lando said, his voice shaking with worry. "I-I don't know what to do."

Wordlessly, Max reached across my body and clicked the seatbelt from its hold. I hadn't even realised my hands were gripping the black material tightly until it slipped through my fingers. He hooked a hand around my legs and guided them out of the car, allowing me to take in more of the cool air as the tips of my toes planted on the gravel. I don't know how long I was sat there trying to calm myself down, but Max made sure he kept a hand on me at all times. He knew not to get too close and overcrowd me and even attempted an exercise to get my breathing back under control. Our eyes locked and he urged me to match his even breathing until I could do the same on my own without aid. I haven't felt like this in a while, and I had a dreadful feeling that this wouldn't be the last one of these over the next few weeks. It's been so long that I don't even remember my last one in detail.

I didn't have the energy to protest when Max lead me towards the house. Lando followed at a slight delay, a single suitcase in his hands - my suitcase. The cottage was as cozy on the inside as it looked on the outside, however it had clearly been made to accustom modern features. The kitchen was joined with the living room, which also doubled as the entranceway. There was set of stairs at the far end of the living room, and a glass door in the kitchen that showed the ocean views of the back garden. Whilst Max took the seat next to me on the double sofa, Lando awkwardly hovered by the door.

"Lys, are you going to be okay here?" Lando asked tentatively. I swallowed hard and nodded my head - I doubted I had much of a choice in the matter. Deep down I knew that this needed to be done, however I didn't want to admit it. "I'm sorry."

Shaking my head, I tried to give him a smile. "Don't be."

"I'll leave you to it, then."

A large part of me didn't want Lando to leave because that would leave Max and I alone. I haven't seen him in person since the hospital where I had voiced my opinions about the future of our relationship. I still stuck by it all - I didn't think it was fair on him if this whole thing guilts him into staying with me. It'll break my heart even more. He deserves to be giving the chance to find another relationship before it's too late, one that can give him the future that he wants.

The silence that filled between the two of us spoke louder than any words could. His body language was tense so I presumed this was very difficult for him, too. I watched as the muscle in his temple moved as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. Like Max, I couldn't find anything to say even when I wanted to say so much.

"Did you get my messages?" Max's question caught me off-guard. He seemed to notice my confused face as he continued. "I spoke with Susie pretty much every day, and I told her to let you know that I'll be patient with you. She, uh, told me that you haven't been sleeping well."

I tugged my bottom lip between my teeth and folded my still-trembling hands. "You don't need to worry, Max."

"But I do, because I love you."

Looking down, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. "I'm surprised you don't hate me."

"Hate you?" he asked incredulously. "I could never! Why would you think that?"

"I don't know," I replied with a shrug. I could feel the corners of my eyes burning with a fresh batch of tears but tried to hold it back. "I haven't been the best at dealing with this. I know I should've called you back because I'm not the only one who lost a baby - we both did. I've been the opposite of considerate."

"I won't lie and say that it didn't hurt me, but this isn't about me and never has been. The pain I felt was emotional. You had that as well as the physical pain. How's your stomach doing, by the way?"