All that we became

Chapter 11

4 weeks went by and we did not get intimate with each other. He wanted to, but I didn't. I didn't refuse him, but he could see it in my eyes and in on my body that I didn't want him near me. We got very awkward and the subject of the girl on the phone became a bigger problem. She started visiting his office. 3,4,5 times a week. I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand that that bothered me.

We barely spoke at work. He wouldn't call me and I wouldn't either. Today, while we were at work, I went to his office to speak to him, privately. She was there again. She was leaning over his desk, to try to kiss him, but he turned his face almost immediately. She wore nude Louis Vuitton shoes, a red pencil skirt, black, skin tight shirt and transparent stockings.

"Excuse you?" I asked her, livid. She turned around and smirked at me.

Chris got up.

"Why is this bitch leaning in to kiss you? Did you invite her here?" I asked him.

"Alina, calm down. She's not a bitch."

Guys are so stupid. You don't tell a woman to calm down when she's mad and he's telling me not to name call her.

"Don't tell me to calm down." I retorted. "You clearly saw that she was flirting for 4 fucking weeks, with you but you told me I was being immature."

"This is the kind of woman you want to be with? I mean, I didn't expect any more, considering she's black."

I made fists with my hands, but released them.

"Get out." He calmly, but scarily said to her.

She laughed.

"We both know I will end up with him." She said before leaving.

She closed the door. I raised my arm and slapped him. His cheek instantly became red, and he looked at me, astonished.

"What the hell am I to you?!" I yelled.

"We're at work!" He yelled back almost in a whisper.

"I don't care! Do I look stupid to you? I told you I didn't like her around you."

"Nothing happened. Nothing would have happened."

My heart sank a little as I asked the next question.

"Do you still love her?"

"I--no--I don't have any feelings for her but I'd be lying to you if I told you I didn't love her."

My throat clogged up with the words that couldn't come out. My gut screamed to me that he was lying. My eyes filled with unspoiled tears.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked.

"I didn't want you to react the way you did just now."

"You could've avoided it by not fucking talking to her in the first place while you were with me!" My voice resounded. "I'm your girlfriend now! not her!"

"What did you expect?! I spent 3 years with her. I'm not just gonna not care for her out of nowhere."

What did I expect? Really? I realized that arguing with him wouldn't change a thing. He was the most stubborn man I'd ever met. It's fine. I calmed down and took a deep breath.

"Obviously I can't compete with her. I can't keep trying to find out what your feelings are when it comes to us. But you've got her feelings sorted out for her."

He remained silent.

"We should never had started this in the first place. What was I thinking about, starting a relationship with a one night stand." My tears rolled onto my cheeks. "We're over."

My legs felt numb. I couldn't decide which was more painful. The break up or his involvement with the girl. I walked towards the exit door.

"I love you." He responded loudly. "I need you, don't leave."

The tears flowed down in a more constant pattern. I tasted their salty taste. I loved him too.

"Not as much you love her, right? I can't force myself to pretend to be happy with your feelings for her. She obviously loves you still. Go back to her."

If I couldn't be a priority in his life, then I didn't want to be involved at all.

I left his office, encounting all office workers, staring at my puffed up, red eyes. Our secret was out.