All that we became

Chapter 21

"And you are?" Jeremy voiced.

"I'm Chris. I need to talk to her."

I moved closer to the door and stood next to Jeremy.

He looked at me and gave me a half smile.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked.

"Excuse me--Is--is this him?" Jeremy asked turning towards me already annoyed.

"Yeah. Um--Jeremy. Go home...I'll call you when we're done."

"What?" He said.

"Please."

He shook his head in disbelief.

"Babe, are you fucking serious?"

I didn't answer. He pushed the door wide open, went inside, put his sweater and jacket back on and left the house.

Midway to his car, he turned around and said:

"Put some normal clothes on."

I knew he was angry and I felt bad but I had to deal with him later.

"Can I come in?" Chris asked.

I paused for a moment.

"Yeah...sure. Uh--how did you find out where I lived?"

"I asked around." He simply replied.

When we went inside, he noticed the couch was not the one I had a year ago and asked if I'd gotten rid of it.

"Yeah. Too many...memories. Chris? Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you...and tell you that I was sorry for the way I left."

"What do expect to happen now?" I questioned.

"I was thinking we could take things slow and see where it leads us, but it seems like you've already moved on."

I looked away.

"Was it easier to get over me?"

"I'm not definitively over you yet." I told him.

He looked in my eyes.

"So we might have a chance?"

"No. Look, I'm not over you, but what I do know is that you made me cry many more tears than he has and he knows what he wants. I can't keep playing tag with you."

"Lina--"

"Don't--call me that."

"Do you love him?"

"I think you should go."

"Answer the question...please."

"Yes. I do. And I'll probably always love you too...but the minute I stopped expecting you to call was when I was no longer fully in love with you."

I could hear the wind whistling. It was dead silent. His eyes were full of regret and looked dead.

"How long have you known him?" He asks in a low voice.

"About 5 years now."

"Does he make you happy? The way I did?"

"If you're asking whether his sex was better than yours...then you'll just have to guess." I replied, annoyed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"Listen...you broke my heart." I told him with a breaking voice, as I was trying to hold back my tears. "If I keep forgiving you, you'll think it's ok to always run away from me and from us because you're afraid of what others might think."

He moved towards me, put a kiss on my forehead and hugged me. I reluctantly allowed him to.

"I'm gonna regret last year for the rest of my life." He announced as he was letting me go. He stared at  me for a couple of seconds.

He walked towards his car, turned it on and left.

There were no words left in me to speak.

In another lifetime, maybe it would've worked out...but it didn't.

That night, I went inside, curled up in a warm blanket on my bed and cried for hours.

They weren't tears of regret. They were tears of closure.