Hunting for Honey - THE SPECTER SERIES [book one]

Chapter FORTY SEVEN:The Softening

"If you hate it so much why did you come in here the other day, swinging your dick around like an authoritarian gorilla.."

I do my best to keep a blank expression, but she has a way with words that makes me want to laugh.. She's a tiny 5ft-nothing, but she is a formidable sparring partner, strong and smart. She reminds me of my sister, Dahlia.. The way she forgives easily, but never forgets.. Her take no shit attitude..Maybe because of that I had kept her at arm's length.. But I know better, and that is a shitty excuse..

er bright pink pants suit contrasts her lemon-yellow glasses and fair, milky complexion and fiery waves. She's colourful and bold, bright and noticeable but at the same time soft spoken and gentle, unassuming with a natural kind of beauty.. She had to be one of the most difficult to read people I've ever met, and I do not envy Jackson for a second, I think trying to solve the riddle that is Ellerie would take a lifetime.

I hum to cover my smirk.. "Hmmmm right.. I wouldn't say gorilla, but.. I guess it's a matter of perspective.." She begins sorting through papers on her desk, not looking at me, but speaking anyway..

"I appreciate the apology either way.. Jackson was right, Honey really is an amazing influence on you.."

Two things about this statement get my attention.. The mention of Honey's name.. And.. "Jackson? You're still letting him slide into your DMs?" Jackson and Ellerie had hooked up a few times just after she joined Alpha last year.. I stayed well away from it all, but something volatile had to have happened between the two of them, because until recently - as far as I know - the two hadn't been on speaking terms, other than for professional purposes..

She lets out a snort of laughter... "My DMs? Are you kidding.. He basically avoids me at all costs, he only told me because I asked.. Anyway, I like her, I think she's fierce.."

She knows I notice her evasive answer, but I'm not here to make her feel worse.. No instead, I could really go for some friendly female advice.. "Me too.. She's--" I choke on the words, I'm not sure if it's because showing raw emotion is not first nature to me.. Or because I don't want to hear her confirm all my doubts..

"She's what, West?" She scoots forward in her seat, her face kind and non judgemental.. Nurturing and open.. I brow out a breath.. Running my hands back through my hair.. God, this mushy personal shit makes me uncomfortable.. But then, I'm very curious about Ellerie's thoughts on it all.. "She's too good for me.. But.. I love her.." I admit, shifting in my seat, practically forcing out the words..

Her head does a little bobble in shock before she quickly recomposes herself.. "Well.. Shit.. I was not expecting you to say that boss!"

I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to block the thrumming headache that is setting in.. I've got a black market auction to attend and instead I'm sitting here discussing my love life with one of my agents.. What is wrong with me?! "Right?" I agree.. There's no way she could have seen this conversation going the way it has so far.. I give her a look that says 'prepare yourself' because it's only going to get weirder.. "Tell me I'm a dumbass.. Tell me it can't go anywhere, El. Give me a reason to let her go and be happy.." My voice drops low and I lean forward in my chair, waiting for her to tell me what I want to hear.. That I'm an idiot for thinking I could have her, that she would be better off if I disappeared, like I always do..

She looks up, tapping a finger against her lips as if considering my request.. "Does she love you back?"

Yes, an excellent point. One that Honey made herself. She should be able to make her own decisions.. She did make her own decision about me.. At least I think she did.. "She says she does.. I just find it.. Hard to believe.."

I look over at her, she is still fiddling with papers, probably an attempt to make this conversation easier. Not for her, for me.. "Um, seriously?.. Permission to speak.. Candidly, sir?" She puts everything down and turns to me, a soft, but serious expression on her cute face..

"Not funny.. Yes, go on.."

She gives a little smile, but allows it to drop before continuing.. "You are kind of an appealing man.. I can't believe I have to tell you this because, I thought you were one of the smarter guys at Specter but apparently..You're pretty thick.. I know you hate the accolades and heroic labels, but what you did.. You've liberated lives, saved innocents from suffering, helped real people..What happened with your sister, was her call, she knew the risk of going back for him, just because you allowed her to make her own decisions.. Doesn't make it your fault.."

Even though I shared none of this with her, I'm not exactly mad that she somehow knows about my history.. Still I grumble under my breath."I see you and Jackson shared plenty of colourful pillow talk.."

She waves a hand and shakes her head.. "Actually Iris was the one who told me about Dahlia.. It was part of what made me want to be a part of your team.. The fact that you respected Dahlia enough to allow her freedom over her own decisions, despite being a woman, AND your sister.. I found that to be incredibly inspiring.." There it was, the outsiders opinion I could never have imagined on my own.. Ellerie knew about my biggest mistake, and saw it as an act of liberty..

I don't know that I agree, but I appreciate the idea.. "I, ah.. I hadn't considered that perspective..Thank you Ellerie.."

She smiles, tilting her head to the side and giving an exaggerated wink.. "Plus, you're kind of easy on the eye, so that doesn't hurt either.."

I can't help it, the woman is funny, this time I chuckle.. "Ah. Right.."

There's a sadness in her smile before she speaks again.. "West.. I'm sorry I messed up, I know Alpha Team has a reputation to maintain.." Her weight shifts from one side to the other.. I can tell she is still apprehensive about her position on my team..

"That's enough, Devereux.. We're good.." I slap my hands on my knees before standing up.. "Alpha is lucky to have you.." I begin to make my way over to the exit when I hear her voice behind me.. "And you're still going to that auction?" She asks...

"Yes.." I call out not looking back as I reach the door..

"And, you're not going to tell Iris?" I can hear the nervousness in her voice, so I turn and grin at her one last time before I go..
"Nope."