"Then fight over me like imma toy. Imma human who's smarter than most y'all in this family. I'm King Isaias Gaulden, a human. Not a fucking toy, so don't treat me like one. If I wanna go wit my mama I wanna go wit my mama. I wanna go with you I wanna go with you. Don't argue over me." He said and I let him go.
"You been holding this in?" I asked and he nodded.
"I just feel tired and.....I'm angry. I'm mad at y'all. I am, I don't say anything tho because I don't want y'all to hurt me. I know you would daddy." He said and I looked down.
"Are you scared of me King?" I asked and he quickly nodded.
"Yes, I see how angry you get. And when you use to hit mama and I would look at her face......it hurts my feelings to know you did that to her. It shocks me that you did that to her. So yes, you scare me. That's why I never tell you anything." He said and I looked down.
Damn, even my son scared of me.
A tear rolled down my face.
"I'm sorry." King said backing away from me. I looked at him seeing him looking at my hands and they were balled up.
"King I'm not gonna hit you. I've never hit you." I said.
"Doesn't mean you won't." He said and I grabbed his hand feeling as he started to shake.
"I love you ok. I would never hurt you King no matter what. Lemme tell you what I told you when you was first born." I said pulling him closer to me
"Imma fucked up ass nigga. I done did shit in my life that I do regret, but it's over and done with. I am hurt and am in pain, I feel hopeless sometimes. I feel like giving up. Because of the fact that sometimes nobody is really there for me. But I can't give up, I got you and your sisters and brother to worry about now. Imma be there for you tho, always. No matter what you do. Cuz I know how it feels to be lonely, and basically abandoned. Shit be having you thinking deep, doing that suicidal shit. I don't want that for you, I don't want you to go through shit like that. But no matter what I promise you, you are going to be ok. And that's one promise I sure as hell know I can keep."
I looked him in his eyes seeing the hurt in them.
"King I promised myself I would never hurt you. No matter what because that's really not gonna help anything and it's gonna push you away." I said and nodded.
"King do you know who you are?" I asked.
"A big brother." He said and I smiled.
"That and a lot more. But you my first child. My first boy. You are the smartest child I have ever met. The way you think will get you so far in life ok, King listen to me." I said.
"You could be the first person in this family to accomplish so much. None of us have ever made it to the 12th grade." I said and he laughed making me smile.
"So y'all dumb?" He asked and I chuckled.
"Honestly, yeah. And we crazy. But that's just us, that's how we are, that's who we are. But don't be like us ok." I said and he nodded.
"Daddy I hope you know all I want is space. And for you to change-"
"I am working on that ok. Look at dat girl right there." I said turning him to see A'dream playing with the kids in the sand.
"Mama?" He asked and I nodded.
"I'm trying to change for ha, and for y'all. I'm trying Ight, just give me a chance ok. Shit don't happen over night." I said and he nodded.
Wrong Or Right
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