The broken window

Chapter 14

We were off to the canteen to get some breakfasts for our patients. Rohit Bhaiya's wife was shifted to the general ward from the ICU, last night. Finally, it was a tension-free morning for him along with good news - After a day or two, his wife will undergo the delivery. He was happy to inform me about the good news while heading off towards the canteen. We were waiting in the busy canteen, somehow adjusting ourselves among the crowd. I was focusing on our orders to arrive. Suddenly, he said, "Jupi, please receive the orders. And if you feel like I'm late, then carry the breakfasts to our patients." Until I could respond to his request, he had stepped ahead from me, drifting away by the crowd. After five minutes, our orders arrived - milk pouches, tea bags, and packed sandwiches. Somehow, I forced myself through the crowd to make an exit from the canteen. Directly, I didn't head towards our patients' wards. I stepped down to create a limited panoramic view of the campus to find him, keeping my position fixed. Finally, my eyesight was able to trap him. He was supporting an old man with a stick. The stick seemed to be his only supporter because his older legs were no more that young to walk without any support. It was not the first time, I saw Rohit bhaiya being a helping hand. That's why I didn't panic when he left the canteen that way. Somewhere I knew, he was going to rush near someone and propose for his helping hand. I headed near Rohit bhaiya's wife and handed over the breakfast. She said, "You still, trust that devil?" I opposed, "A guy who can understand and help even the strangers, how can he portray a devilish character. Have you ever tried to understand him?" My words provoked her anger which made her shout at me, "You will regret, trusting a devil." I didn't want to create a scene in that common ward, so I tried to calm her down and consoled her to take her breakfast. After that, I moved towards my aunt. I helped her with her breakfast but my thoughts were trapped within the chaos - "Am I getting attracted to Rohit bhaiya? That's why do I find him perfect? But the way he helped my family and many others in need in front of my eyes, he portrayed a true idol of - 'human for human'. Is he truly enigmatic, who is playing two roles - devilish inside and saintly outside? Or else my suppressed feelings had blindfolded me from his devilish role. No... no... That's impossible! Yes, at first, I did felt something for him. But after I knew, he was committed to someone else, I followed my mind over my heart. It's the toughest exam where my mind was bound to suppress the answers to the questions, set by the heart. It's the only exam where I could pass, only if I don't answer a single question. Or else the more I will answer, the more my heart will question with hopes. In case, some negative answers get revealed, the heart will stamp 'fail' gifting some teardrops to the eyes. I really felt lucky to have the strength to control my heart. If this strength can be a savior for many then a few teardrops in my eyes don't matter." My baby brother's cry distracted me. He was lying on the bed, wrapped in a baby towel. I tried to create some funny faces to make him smile. I just craved for his toothless smile that vanishes away every negativities within an individual. But my funny faces failed to make him smile. Aunt started feeding him. Maybe he was hungry. Only a mother understands the different meanings of the cries which seemed similar for others. I went outside the ward as my aunt was feeding him. Again, those confusions engulfed my mind. I was strolling straight towards the chairs. Suddenly, Rohit bhaiya called me, "Jupi... Jupi..." I turned back and found him near me. His sudden appearance did baffle me. He came near me and said, "Thank you Jupi". I was preparing myself to respond normally but he continued again, "Sorry, you had to carry everything alone. Actually, I remembered some leftover work and had to rush. I'm really very sorry." Gathering my consciousness I responded, "I saw you, for which work you rushed to complete. So, you don't have to feel sorry. Rather I would like to thank you for being such an idol for future generations." He smiled and said, "Idol? I don't fit in that word. Actually, he recently underwent an eye operation. None of his family members have time to bring him up to the hospital for his check-up. So, he came up all alone to complete his checkup. Really hats off to such heart that wills beyond others' support. By the way, you look nervous. Is everything okay?" As usual, my poor acting failed, revealing the truth. But I kept trying and said smiling, "Yes, everything is alright. Anyways, bhaiya, my aunt might be searching for me so, I will meet you later on." He also came along with me to meet my aunt and the baby. He left after a while. I was eyeing him leaving, with the echoing of my inner voice - "A guy who hid his deeds, who can understand, in fact, strangers problems, then how can he be devilish to his own people - his own wife? It can't be my suppressed feelings that are titling him, 'perfect idol' but his deeds are allowing me to title him as a 'perfect idol'. Although it was difficult to ignore the words from his wife."
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It was the night before Rohit bhaiya's wife's delivery. We were off to the canteen after helping our patients with their dinners. As usual, we took the corner table after placing our orders. I couldn't resist myself to question him about my doubts. Though he once explained to me, a bit about the rivalry between him and his wife which didn't justify her hatred for him to the peak point. I started, "Bhaiya, can I ask you one thing?" He responded, "Yes, why not." I continued, "I know, I shouldn't interfere between husband and wife. I've always seen you understanding strangers and helping them. A guy who can understand strangers so well, can't he understand his wife? Isn't it more necessary to understand your wife first rather than strangers or whoever it is?" Breaking eye contact and switching his glance towards the window panes beside, he giggled shortly. Then he said, "I can understand normal situations but abnormal situations are out of my reach." Our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of our dinner. He continued after the waiter left, "Sorry Jupi, I can't answer your question. The truth is, although we had a love marriage, my mind is out of reach, regarding her desires. But still, I'm happy to love her and spend my entire life with her. This is my way of loving her, beyond my patience level and that is her way of loving me, by hating me to the peak point. In fact, nature's law depicts that nothing is stable at its peak point. So, I am just waiting to see what's beyond this peak point." I didn't understand, what he exactly meant by the words - 'what's beyond this peak point'. But I didn't question him back and ended the topic there itself. There was pin-drop silence between us. Only the sound of still spoons swirling on still plates was audible. We had completed our rice thalis without exchanging a single word. Somewhere my girlish instinct was jealous of his wife - How lucky she might be, to get a husband like him.
After stepping out of the canteen Rohit bhaiya ordered me to move near my aunt. I asked him, "You are not coming?" He said, "I will return soon. Just because both the wards are on the same floor, I'm making a request. Please, once you check my wife before going to your aunt, whether she is asleep or not." I uttered, "Even if the wards were placed on different floors, I would have done that. By the way, sorry, if my questions in the canteen had hurt you." He opposed, "No, you don't have to feel sorry for that. I'm perfectly okay." He moved away, passing a smile at me.
I didn't want to create a mess again by going near Rohit bhaiya's wife. So, I peeped through the entrance to check whether she was asleep or not. I didn't know whether she was asleep or awake with closed eyes. Looking at her closed eyes, I stepped towards my aunt's ward. My baby brother was not yet asleep. I played with him and talked with him, pretending his responses. Meanwhile, Rohit bhaiya's words were echoing in my ears, continuously.
The lights of the ward were switched off. Only, few of them were spreading its rays, dimming the ward. Some of the patients and their babies had already fallen asleep and some of them were about to sleep. My baby brother also felt asleep on aunt's lap. Slowly, she placed him on the bed and slept beside him. I was sitting on a stool near the bed, facing the baby. I laid down my head on the bed looking at the sleeping face of my brother. I was sinking towards the depth of my thoughts. Aunt's utter baffled me, "Jupi, are you worried about something?" I thought - Argh... I'm fed up with my open book typeface! Do my face reveals up my inner conversations with myself? I lied, "No... Nothing... Everything is alright. By the way, why are you awake, aunty? You need to rest. Have a good night's sleep." After a while, I felt a need to rush towards the washroom. Every floor had a common washroom along with an attached washroom in each of the wards. It was exactly 12 am. I moved out straight from the ward's entrance and took a left turn, to reach the common one on the floor. The busy morning floor was silent at that time. I sensed some footsteps, following me. I turned around but found no one. Sometimes silence can be terrific depending on the situation and the place. Towards the right from the entrance, few of the males were sleeping on the floor and some of them were lying on the chairs. After freshening up, I was strolling towards the ward. Suddenly, a voice echoed in my ears, enchanting my name. Gradually, everything got blurred and then I didn't remember anything.
The next morning, I forced my eyelids to open. Dizziness struck me harder. I found myself sitting on the floor. My arms felt heavier. As if, someone's head was placed on my arms. Turning my head, I found Rohit bhaiya sitting beside me, holding my hand. Gradually, my consciousness signaled that we were in a bathroom that was locked from inside. I tried to suppress my nervousness and activate my anger. I grabbed Rohit bhaiya's collar to wake him up. As soon as he opened his eyes, I slapped him and said, "Your wife spoke the truth. But I trusted a devil-like you." He opposed, "Jupi... Please, listen to me. Jupi... I banged on the door and rushed out from the bathroom, without hearing his single utter. He had locked me in the bathroom that is positioned fifth from the common entrance of the washroom. I didn't know, what he made me went through, the night before. Blood flowing in my body froze within my veins. My confusion and bundles of questions were colliding within me, creating a continuous shiver. I was dripping. But I didn't have the guts to question him anything. I stepped out from the common entrance of that Lady's toilet. I stepped ahead ending that chapter in that washroom.