The Boy I Shouldn't Want to Love

23. Living up to you

When he opened his eyes that morning, it took Liam a few seconds to name the overwhelming feeling in his stomach. And he knew he couldn't completely blame the hangover for that.
He hadn't really slept that night, constantly slipping out and in from sleep, guilt and shame that crawled through him at the memory of the day before, the thought of Theo, Theo, Theo as the only standpoint.

He sat up, the covers slipping over his lap, and lazily rubbed his face. He looked at the alarm clock on the night table and winced when he noticed that it was just 8:00 am. It was probably the first time in his whole life that he woke up so early on a Sunday morning. He could hear his mother, Paul and Theo's muffled voices in the living room, definitely busy making breakfast.
Sunday was the only day their parents had free, so Liam knew very well that he could not stay hidden all day in his room.

I am not angry with you. Theo had told him the night before, and Liam knew he was sincere.

Because Theo was incredible, and so understanding with him just like this. But he couldn't dismiss the thought that Theo should have been angry instead.

He was.

He was so fucking angry with himself.

He sighed wearily, slipping out of bed. He dressed lazily, then taking his time in the bathroom to wash his face, hoping that he could help him erase that tired and distressed expression on his face.

It didn't seem to work.


As he went downstairs, he was clearly able to pick up clips from the ongoing conversation. Theo was saying something to Paul about this weekend and about Josh and a beach house.

Liam vaguely remembered that they had mentioned something about that the night before at the party. Yes, about a vacation all together. Before he snapped at Amber and Theo dragged him away.

He blushed slightly, feeling that unpleasant feeling come back overbearing at the only thought.

He walked unsure into the kitchen, and everyone turned to him. "M-morning" he grumbled, staring only at Jenna and Paul.

"Good morning, darling, already awake?" Jenna asked, pleasantly surprised, as she returned to sit down with a pot of coffee in her hand and placing it on the table.

"Uh yes ... I couldn't get back to sleep" he replied briefly. He could feel Theo's eyes on him, but he did his best to avoid them as he sat next to Jenna, on the opposite side to Theo, weaving his hands under the table while Jenna poured him coffee to prevent them from trembling visibly.

"So ... were you saying, Theo?" Jenna returned with a smile to look at the other boy. Theo jumped slightly, hardly averting his eyes from Liam, who seemed almost to want to sink into his coffee cup with his face. "... about Josh?"

"Uh yeah well, his parents let him take their beach for a few days, and he finally finished his make-up exams, so ..."

"Am I wrong or is it in Santa Monica?" Paul asked

Jenna raised an eyebrow. "It's far enough" she remarked.

"Yeah, but... Me and Josh have spent many summers there, it's almost like home for us" Theo replied reassuringly, unable to avoid letting his eyes slip briefly over Liam from time to time.

The other boy had not yet looked up from the table. Theo could almost clearly see a faint blush growing on his cheeks.

"What do you think Li? Do you want to go there?" Jenna asked turning to him.

Liam gasped as he finally looked up at her. "Uh ... yeah, I-" he stammered in a weak voice. "I think it would be cool, if ... if you agree, obviously"