The Boy I Shouldn't Want to Love

30. We should suppose it's love...

The moment Jenna had closed the door to Paul's room behind her, she pressed her back against the smooth, cold wooden surface, as if looking for support. It was also the same moment when the tears finally started to come out, real sobs that shook her body making her tremble, making her thankful that there was that solid body to support her.

She buried her face in her cupped hands, and simply let out whatever she felt oppressing her chest. Worry, pain, fear, anger, anguish. Sense of guilt. And also a sense of failure. Where did they go wrong? What were they supposed to do now?

She stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity, until every tear was shed and she was finally able to lift her face, breathing to catch her breath, her eyes swollen and her head that seemed to want to burst at any moment.

He moved his gaze into the dim room and then dropped it on Paul, who was still sleeping peacefully in his bed, the monitor at his side beating a steady and reassuring rhythm.

She breathed in and breathed out. Again and again.

Then she wiped her eyes and finally broke away from the door, walking slowly to the bed. She dropped into the chair beside it, and looked pleadingly at her husband's sleeping face, taking his hand in hers.

"Please... wake up soon, honey. I really, really need you right now" she prayed, her eyes still shining, then resting her head on her forearm with a tired sigh, never letting go of Paul's hand.

At some unspecified moment, she must have fallen asleep, because when she opened her eyes, the sky outside was almost fiery red as the sun set on that long, stressful day. Jenna only came out of the haze of sleep when she felt a hand tenderly caress her head.

She blinked before plugging the pieces together and sitting up. Her face exploded into a smile of relief as she met Paul's eyes, fully awake and apparently in perfect health. His face at the moment showed only tiredness.

Jenna took his hand in hers as she moved closer. "Oh my god, I'm so glad you're okay!" she sighed, feeling tears wet her cheeks again, but she didn't pay too much attention to them. She kissed his knuckles clenched between her fingers, before Paul raised his free hand to wipe her right cheek. "I was so scared..."

"I'm sorry, honey" Paul spoke weakly. "I didn't want to worry you... I never wanted you to see me like this..."

"You don't have to apologize, it wasn't your fault..." Jenna reassured him softly. Their eyes met, both bodies tensing slightly, at what Jenna's words seemed to imply.

Jenna bit her lip, 'Do you remember what happened?' That was what she wanted to ask, but she feared she could cause more damage in a delicate moment like this. So she restrained herself.

But it was Paul who spoke. "...Where... Where are the kids?" he asked hesitantly.

Jenna hesitated, biting her lip. "I... I sent them home." Sigh. "I thought... it would be better to talk to them together... once this is over..." She looked down, a death grip that seemed to be crushing her stomach. Paul stood looking at her worriedly, as if he wanted to gauge her reaction. "I... didn't really know what to tell them. I was afraid... of saying something wrong." The tears came back to fill her eyes, blurring her vision. "And maybe I did. I was so... I..." The sobs shook her body again and choked the rest of her words.

Paul struggled to sit up, then pulling her into his arms and gently stroking her back. "Hey... hey... it's going to be okay, honey. They'll understand, you're still a human being. You reacted like anyone would. You were worried, and angry and in shock. Nobody would blame you. Okay?" he tried to reassure her, pushing away and taking her by the shoulders. "Okay?" he repeated then more decisively.