The Boy I Shouldn't Want to Love

20. Ask me again

There were shouts and whistles everywhere.

The air was so full of excitement and anticipation that Liam could almost feel it burning on his skin, making him shiver despite the warm air of that late May evening.

He moved his eyes along the length of the field, where the players of both teams were doing a bit of stretching before the final game. His eyes just found Theo, and it was easy, also because, after a sprint, he was the only one left behind in the team.

Liam frowned.

Theo has been so strange all day. From the day before, actually.

He had left him at the prom despite he was his ride, and had kept his distance from them all afternoon, as opposed to Corey and Nolan who had stopped to talk between one exercise and another.

Besides, he seemed kinda... distracted? Nervous? As if he were constantly on the verge of exploding.

Liam was sure that last night's almost kiss had something to do with that. He had been about to let go until the end, seeing how much he craved it, but for this very reason he had to run away. Because it was too much. Too many feelings, too much tension, and definitely too many people around them. He couldn't let it happen. Not in that way.

"Everything okay dude?" Mason asked him, nudging him gently on his side.

"Uh?" Liam turned abruptly back to reality. "Yeah - what?" He stammered.

"Your face doesn't fit the situation" Mason observed with a frown.

"Sorry - I was just distracted"

"I noticed" Mason laughed. His gaze got lost behind him, and Liam turned to Alec and Amber, who were coming in their direction, loaded with food and drinks.

"Here you are! Fortunately, they haven't started yet."

At that moment the ref whistled for a long time. "Just in time" Amber chuckled, getting up and taking off her sweatshirt to show the team's tank top.

"Are you wearing Nolan's shirt?" Alec laughed.

"Well done sister" Mason crooned in approval, flaunting his burgundy sweatshirt engraved with the surname "Bryant" in big white letters.

"It's to put myself in context, and then I'm so good in this. Burgundy is in, this year" she said, making them laugh before she sat down again.

Liam couldn't help but feel a painful bit of longing. Why couldn't he have something like that too? Why couldn't he stay here with his friends to cheer for the guy he liked with his name written on his back? Showing the world that he just belonged to him? Why was it so damn hard to do the wrong thing?

Or maybe it was the right thing? Liam didn't know anymore. But there was something inside him, something that made him feel like he was on the edge of a cliff. He felt he needed to act. To do something. Anything. Maybe he was just tired of hiding. Or to look for excuses.

Or maybe he was just beginning to realize what he really wanted.

*

When the ref whistled, Theo let himself go.

It was as if all the anger, the nervousness, the anguish and the pain that all day were crawling right there, under the surface, waiting, were definitely ready to explode. He began to run, his heart pumping, trying to get lost among the mass of players and the cries of the crowd, focusing on the ball and on victory. And if he could tackle as many opposing players as he could, he wouldn't hold back. Lacrosse was a violent game, and it was just what he needed at the time.