Tom Holland Imagines

One Last Goodbye//T.H.

Dear supposed love of my life,

At this very moment, as I'm sitting down, reflecting on what to write, I'm in an everlasting state of confusion and in some way, betrayal and it feels like there's a hole in my chest as well and it's painful. Tears are still running down my face as I'm writing this, which is incredibly pathetic, but I stopped caring.

It's such a weird way to start a letter you'll never read, believe me, I know. My ideas are a mess because I can barely think straight right now, so forgive me.

We were together for so long that it really felt like we'd be together forever and now that we're not it feels like a bucket of freezing cold water just got dropped over my head. Things are blurry and my thoughts lack much definition.

The picture of us is still sitting on the desk. Can't remove it. Can't do much, not really. Only get up to go to work and I mean this in the sense that it's half-assed and not as great as it's supposed to be. For a moment I seem to forget about everything and thing feel fine but when I come back home I have to face the reality of the situation because our lovely dog is not waiting by the door anymore to greet me like she used to do every single day. You're not upstairs running me a hot bath because you knew I had a shitty day at work, you aren't there when I fall asleep and the bed feels cold and empty while our house -my house- is eeriely silent.

I just saw you on Sunday. I don't know who had the idea to leave us alone during a wedding, especially with how drunk we were that night. Still I'm incredibly grateful because, for one last time, I got to have Tom, my best friend.

God, things felt so normal as we tried to talk about what had been of our lives after parting ways. However you were still distant, I don't get why Tommy. You know, we shared so many moments together intimate ones, full of trust, love and just complete adoration that in my head I seriously thought would last a lifetime. Those memories cannot be erased from my head as easily as you erased then from yours.

Still though, those scarce moments we shared together, when you kissed me and held me as if I was yours all over again was like a cruel breath of fresh air.

You seriously cannot understand how much I had missed the feeling of your lips on mine. Because dammit, I swear I felt something Tom. I felt more alive and complete than I had felt in months.

It was so damn stupid of me to kiss you though. I had heard your conversation with Harry about your adventures with multiple women. I mean realistically, I have no idea what I was thinking. The thing that's bad is that I do not regret it, I take it as a really weird kind of goodbye like that last hug a friend gives you before moving away. It's a shitty analogy, yeah, but it's what describes the feeling best in my mind.

At the same time I'm grateful that we weren't fully alone because God knows if we had been, we probably would have ended up doing something we would've regretted the next morning.

Either way, I just thought things would be different. You had been acting like such a bad person and using everyone left and right. But damn as you softly whispered in my ear all those pretty things before kissing me, you just seemed like the guy I fell in love with with who, by the way, I know is hidden underneath that negative shell if yours where you try to hide to please those around you.

Of course things did not change because life doesn't work like that. It doesn't solve your shit with a kiss just like you see in romance movies. Still though, when we ended up seeing each other at a restaurant, on Haz's birthday, I thought things would be okay. Maybe we wouldn't get back together but we could still save that friendship we shared for so many years.

At the end of the night we ended up alone again and for some stupidly weird reason, you decide to walk me home just to proceed to ignore my whole existence. I sound bitter as I scribble these words down but I don't know how else to feel right now.