the city // joshler

22

tyler's point of view

"i'm going to pick up grace, i'll be right back." mason stops in the kitchen to tell me he's leaving.

"okay, thanks." i turn away from the stove to look back at him. "i'm hoping her favorite dinner and dessert will help the news go down easier." i clear my throat.

he nods, "right," and then leaves.

i'm alone in the kitchen again, preparing what we have named the countdown lasagna. five layers, four cheeses, three meats, two different types of pastas, all in one pan. it's been grace's favorite since the first time she helped me make it when she was younger. there's also cookies cooling and ice cream in the freezer for her favorite cookie ice cream sandwich.

i hope she's not mad. i hope she doesn't hate us. what if she cries? god, i hate when she cries. it always breaks my heart. i bet she will. jesus.

this is going to be one of the hardest things i will ever do.

-

mason returns with grace as i'm about to pull the lasagna out of the oven. she leaves her bag by the door and runs to the kitchen.

"lasagna?!" she jumps up and down, smiling wide.

"hey, sweetpea!" i open the oven and take it out, setting it on the cooling rack i left on the counter. "i made your favorite! there's also cookie ice cream sandwiches to be made for dessert."

"really?" her eyes are wide and innocent and perfect and i feel tears form behind mine.

"yep! why don't you go wash your hands?"

she runs off to the bathroom to wash her hands and mason washes his at the kitchen sink.

"how do you think she'll react?" he asks.

"i don't know." i dish out a serving on three plates and set the table. "but i'm terrified."

"i know." he grabs a towel and dries his hands, then he just looks at me. he's been crying. he nods once and speaks again. "me too."

we wait until after dessert to start the conversation. grace is washing the cookie crumbs off her hands and we tell her to come sit on the couch with us. she sits in the middle and we each take one of her hands.

"now, graciebug, you know we both love you more than anything, right? and that nothing could ever change that?" mason starts.

"yeah." she nods. "i love you guys, too."

"well, we wanted to talk to you about something," i talk now, slowly moving us forward. we decided to popcorn the talk so neither of us could be blamed more than the other, and if one of us gets close to crying, we can compose ourselves so we don't upset her more.

"we're getting a divorce, honey."

"what does that mean?" grace's voice is quiet and she's staring down at the floor.

"it means we won't be married anymore," i tell her, "and that we won't live together."

"where will i live?" she looks over to me, tears beginning to fall quietly down her face as she processes it.