the city // joshler

18

josh's point of view

it's the last night of play set up. i'm in the shower before i head to the school, finding myself kind of excited to see the finishing touches done. it's been nice seeing tyler, too.

it does feel strange to know he's married, that he's at home now, with his husband. if i think about it for long enough, i get a guilty feeling in my stomach. even though we haven't had sex, i did kiss him. even if i didn't, i'm sure we've met the definition for emotional cheating. i would feel worse but i'm too selfish to want to question any moment i get with tyler. i missed him too much.

i step out of the shower and finish getting ready before i drive to the school, parking in what became "my spot" a long time ago.

when i get inside, i find terry and miss claire talking already. i walk up to them.

"hey, guys." i shove my hands in the pocket of my hoodie. "what's up?"

"no, don't 'what's up' us now. you haven't spilled the tea on you know who." terry puts one finger on my chest. "so unless you spill, we won't talk to you."

"there's nothing to spill. we talk. he's married." i shrug. "i don't know what else you want me to say."

"did you have sex?" miss claire blurts the sentence out quickly, immediately covering her mouth with her palm. "i'm sorry. it's not my business. terry is rubbing off on me."

"it's okay, miss claire. we didn't have sex." i clear my throat. "not since we were teenagers at least."

"aww, little teenage joshy." terrance ruffles my hair. "was he your first?"

"no, but i was his."

"oh, my god," miss claire interjects, "that's so cute. no wonder he's still hung up on you. jish must have some moves."

"or a giant cock." terry shrugs.

"god." i look down at my shoes, feeling awkward now. "he should've been here by now. you guy's haven't seen him?"

"your dick?"

"no, terrance. he means tyler, obviously. and no, we haven't." miss claire punches terry on his shoulder.

"oh, okay." i nod. "i'm gonna text him and then finish some shading on the backdrop." i pull my phone out of my pocket and walk away, nervous about tyler's tardiness.

josh: where you at, t?

tyler: not coming tonight, sorry

josh: you okay?

tyler: i'll be fine, just cant make it tonight. stuff with mason.

i don't text back after that, the guilty feeling in my stomach returning. are they fighting? is it over me? did something happen?

i take a deep breath and try to put it out of my head, focusing on the painting in front of me instead.

i finish the backdrop quicker than i would have liked to and move to another project, trying to keep myself occupied.

a woman's voice comes from behind me. "hey, need any help?"

i turn and see a woman with light brown hair standing behind me, though i don't know her name.

"sure, do you just wanna take this color and make a bunch of small dots on this middle part of the sunflower? details and whatnot." i offer her a polite smile and move over a bit so she has room. i pass the paint dish to her.

"yeah, no problem." she sits next to me and begins adding the color.

i'm not sure of any scientific term for these flowers, but i know the lighter brown on top will make it look better.

i also know that grace is cast as the sunflower in our play. she was so excited to get one of the main roles and i'm proud of her for doing so. i'm proud of every kid i teach. i never got the chance to have one of my own and so they're all like my own instead. i care about each and every one. but knowing grace comes from tyler makes her that much more special.

as i work, my mind drifts further down the hole and i find myself imagining the life i painted for tyler. a house with a nice garden, my jim, my tyler, and... grace.

i wonder if grace would live with us or if she would stay with mason. i wonder if she would call me mr. dun. what if she hates me? what if she despises me for breaking up her parents?

i can't help but wonder about the sticky details of it all, how everything would go down and the aftermath.

i try to shake myself out of my thoughts and be present, but the woman next to me keeps trying to flirt with me and i can't find a polite way to say i'm not interested. so, i play dumb until it's time for everyone to go home.

once i make it back to my house, my mind is still in the same place it always is lately.

tyler.

(an: i almost wrote a nsfw scene there but decided not to so i just capped the chapter a little short. anyway.)