the city // joshler

5

josh's point of view

my alarm is unforgiving, absolutely brutal, when it wakes me up sunday morning. the bake sale is today through wednesday, which i still find odd, but i've already agreed and baked two hundred blueberry muffins. i decided strawberry tarts took far too much effort.

i rub my eyes and then sit up, looking around my room for any reason to go back to bed. finding no evidence of a burglar or anything else that would get me out of work, i stand up and head to the bathroom. after that, i begrudgingly get dressed, grabbing one of my muffins from the tupperware i'd put them in for breakfast. i'll pay for it later.

when i eventually get to the school, i see that the tables and such are already set up in the field next to the playground. there's a raffle table set up along with a few carnival-esque games for the kids.

i find my booth and begin setting up my muffins in a way that would make a retail employee proud. i'm only allowed half the table, but i make due. since the school is too cheap for enough booths, we all have to share with one other person. i never found out who mine would be, just that the assistant principal organized it. she loves gossip, so i'm sure there will be some interesting pairings.

terry walks up to me and i think for a second he'll be my partner, but he has no food in his hand, "hey, bestie! guess what i did!"

"do i want to know?"

"you'll see in a minute i guess." he nods towards the gate and i turn my head to see tyler walking towards me, a small sticky note on his hand, which i assume is telling him which booth he's assigned to.

"holy shit, terry, what did you do?!" i whisper-yell at him and slap his arm.

"i'm a gossip, j-dawg, i can't help it. have fun." he winks at me and then walks away just in time for tyler to approach me.

"josh?" his voice is small, questioning rather than shocked.

"hey, ty," i answer softly, trying to ignore the butterflies in my stomach.

"what booth is this?" he mutters quietly, like he doesnt want to know the answer.

"h3."

"yeah, i'm stationed here too, i guess." he offers a small smile that i know is more made of nerves.

i reach out and take his tupperware from him. our hands touch briefly and i feel my breath hitch.

we get his pastries set up in a way that is pinterest worthy, and then we're left in silence as we wait for more people to arrive. i want to say something, anything to break the tension. maybe it's dumb to hold on to a feeling so old, but i feel like if it's still there after all this time, it's got to mean something.

"so, come here often?"

really, josh? thats all you could think of?

"yeah, sometimes twice a day actually. my daughter does go to school here," tyler replies, his face still tense.

"right, yeah. she's a great kid." i nod, pursing my lips and silently cursing myself. "i was just kidding."

"well, she is pretty great."

it's so awkward between us and i hate it. i'm screaming inside, begging in my mind for him to just say something real. i just want him to talk to me.

"so." i clear my throat, trying again, "what did you bring? they look delicious."

"mini fruit pies," he answers, actually looking up at me now. i guess they weren't too much effort for him. his husband probably helped.

fuck.

"i brought muffins," i tell him.

"yeah, i see that." he nods.

i take a breath. i've got to say something.

right as i go to confront tyler, a boy walks up with his mother.

"can i have a muffin, please?" the little boy hands me a few dollars and i hand him one.

"of course!"

"thank you, mr. dun!" he waves and starts to eat his muffin and they both walk away.

"you're welcome." i give him a small wave and then do a quick glance around before turning to tyler. "can we please just talk?"

"what?"

"can we just talk like normal? please? i miss when we were friends, when we would talk all the time."

"josh, i-..." he starts to shake his head, "it's just different now."

"it doesn't have to be."

"it does. i'm married. i have a daughter." he looks down at his shoes. "i have a family, josh. do you not? you wear a wedding ring. does that not mean anything to you?"

at that, my jaw clenches and it's my turn to look at the ground, "he passed away about two years ago actually." i clear my throat and the feeling i get when mentioning him is different this time.

"oh, no. oh, god. i'm so sorry, josh. i-i had no clue." he reaches out and takes my hand in his, swiping his thumb over my knuckles.

"yeah, it's okay. i just feel weird without it, you know?"

tyler looks at his own ring and drops his hand without saying anything.

"it's okay, really. you couldn't have known. let's change the subject, yeah?"

we spend the rest of the time at the bake sale talking and when it comes time to leave, all but three of his mini pies have sold and my muffins are gone.

"i'll pay for these last three." i dig my wallet out of my back pocket and take out a bit of cash, tucking it into the ziplock with the rest of today's earnings.

"thank you." he offers me a small smile, more genuine this time.

"yeah, no problem. i'm just glad today was a success." i smile back at him, my chest tight in the best way. "tyler, do you, um, think we could hang out soon? not like a date of course. i just... miss you. today was really fun, talking again and everything."

he looks hesitant and i prepare myself for the feelings to come when he says no.

but then,

"yeah, i'd like that."

(an: hi i was reading this and realized there were like 3 different things that didn't match previous chapters/the epilogue so i had to change some of it hehe oops)