The Bravery in his Eyes - A TMNT Leo X Reader Story

Chapter 40 - I Need To Be Alone

Your POV

After I had the chance to cool off, I needed space for the night. I needed somewhere else to go to collect my thoughts without constantly being reminded of Leo's perfection in my life. But this was New York City. I didn't know anyone here.

Or did I?

It was dark enough for Leo to be on the surface, so we hid in the shadows between buildings until we reached the all-too-familiar apartment tower where my grandparents lived. I imagined that they were still going out at night, leaving their beloved home unattended. Just like when I was staying there.

Leo helped me climb up the fire escape to get to the window of the room I stayed in all those months ago. Surprisingly, the window was cracked open a little. Carefully, I pushed it open the rest of the way and slipped inside.

When my feet touched the floor, I froze, listening. It didn't sound like anyone was home.

"Are you sure that you're okay here? By yourself?" Leo pressed his hands against the windowsill and looked at the ground.

I nodded, folding my arms across my chest. This was awkward. "Yeah, um, I guess you can come get me in the morning."

He cleared his throat. "Just text me when you're ready."

Shoot, my phone! "Uh, yeah, that might be a problem."

"Why?" Suspicion rose in his voice, and I cringed.

"Well, I sort of destroyed it after my mom called?"

To my surprise, he didn't yell or sigh in annoyance. He just looked at me, concern written all over his expression, and scratched the back of his neck as he thought about what to say next. "I'll just get you at eight sharp, then. We'll make you a new phone. Donnie will take care of it."

"You don't have to, it's fine."

"No, we're making you one." Leo opened his arms, silently pleading with me to hold him.

I exhaled slowly and stepped into his arms, reaching over the windowsill to hug him tightly. The warmth from his body was so comforting. I wished that I could go back with him, but I knew that I needed just this one night to myself. I needed the time to think for myself, learn more about why I was acting this way.

The hug was too short. He let me go with a sad smile and kissed my forehead really slowly. He doesn't want to leave you here. Even though I thought I cried out every last bit of water in my body, a silent tear rolled down my cheek. Leo wiped it away with his thumb and held my gaze.

"I'll be back in the morning. Eight o'clock."

And then he left, hopping down from the fire escape and slipping into the darkness of the streets. I watched him go to make sure that he made it to the manhole okay, then left to slip into the bathroom.

Once again, I faced my reflection. It was everything I didn't want to be for some reason. Leo's words washed over me like they never existed in the first place, as if they were never said. You're not good enough for him. You're not even good enough for yourself. The screaming in my mind was getting unbearable. I had to look away to keep myself sane.

It struck me then that I hadn't even eaten the salad that I asked for. But it didn't matter. I wouldn't be eating anything until the next morning anyway. I wasn't about to increase my chances of getting caught by my grandparents. The perfect excuse.

Shut up!

I pressed my fingers into my temples and washed up, forcing myself to get ready for bed and sliding underneath the covers the moment I was done. There wouldn't be much sleep in my future, but I slammed my eyes shut and thought of darkness, hoping that it would help.

Leo's POV

I punched the stupid dummy that was barely hanging on by a thread. Sweat started dripping down my forehead as I whipped the dummy, teaching it a lesson it didn't deserve. I was merciless, pounding into it over and over until it surrendered by hitting the floor.

This was all my fault, wasn't it?

A good leader was supposed to pay attention to his team, tend to them. A good leader was supposed to know each of his team members like the back of his hand and notice immediately when something was wrong. But I hadn't done that for Y/N until it was too late.

She didn't even want to be in the same room as me, let alone in the sewers at all tonight. Yes, I knew she needed her space to figure things out, but I wanted to be there with her. Couldn't I take her demons away for her? Shouldn't I have done that in the first place?

"Woah, woah, Leo, I think he's had enough." Raph stepped out from behind the wall and crossed his arms as he looked me up and down. "Someone's being a hothead tonight."

"Reminds me of Raph!" Mikey shouted from across the room.

Of course. "Guys, please. Leave me alone."

Raph patted my shoulder. "You'll tell us if something's wrong, right?" he asked.

This was my business, not his. "I'll take care of things myself. You don't need to get involved." I pushed him to the side and stalked into my room, slamming the door shut in the process.

I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have pushed him away, literally. My thoughts had been getting the best of me lately, all because I was worried.

"You're better than this!" I yelled, kicking the leg of the desk with all the strength I had left. The impact left a thumping sensation in my shin, but I ignored it and flopped onto my bed, staring at the ceiling where the Space Heroes poster I loved so much was plastered.

Captain Ryan, please help me out here. What do I do? How can I be better?

There was an odd feeling in my brain. The silence of the room that only graced my heavy breathing was too much to handle. I needed other sounds. Music.

I reached to the side of the bed and picked up the guitar case leaning against the wall. I hadn't played since Y/N and I first got together. Thinking about the journey we experienced together in the midst of all that time got me emotional.

Slowly, I unzipped the case and tenderly removed the instrument from its home. After sitting up and giving it a quick tune, I strummed all the strings and closed my eyes. The best music came from the heart, not while struggling to remember the notes. I didn't have to get it right. It was right when it came pouring out of me.

Chords manifested themselves through my fingers. I let my hands take charge and direct the guitar into any position they desired. The result was anger, worry, fear, and love, all communicated through their sound. I let my body sway to the sounds and get carried away into another world.

A simple tune arose at the end, and I opened my eyes. "Y/N. Her song." It sounded just right. I played it again and again until the order of the chords was memorized, and I hummed along to the sound. It was original, different, but it was her in sound form.

When I listened to the sound, I just wanted to kiss her, to be with her. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her over and over that she was the most beautiful girl in the world. I wished I could make her feel better about herself and erase every memory of Karai that had been implanted in her mind. I wanted to fall in love with her again and again, just like I did every single day, but with her feeling the same way again and again with me.

I wanted her to be happy.

It was made up in my mind. Tomorrow, I would take her home where she belonged and give her all my love, everything I had to make her understand.