Healing (Junkrat X Abused Reader)

Chapter 16: Thoughts

We ate the rest of our meals in near silence. When we were done, Rat grabbed my dish and his in one hand and patted me lightly on my head with the other. "Get some rest." He told me before leaving.

I sat there feeling guilty. It's my fault. I really don't blame him for doing this. I deserved it. I should've just gone home. And now because of me, because of my screw up, my bad decision, they're taking care of me. Like I'm some child. I don't want them taking care of me. I can do things myself. They shouldn't be taking care of me. They shouldn't feel obligated to. Is it pity? It must be out of pity. I mean, I've done nothing to deserve, nothing to merit Rat being so nice to me. Or any of them, really. They've all been so nice to me. Even when I was brand new to the team. They were all...
Welcoming...
Sweet...
So, so caring...
Strangers aren't supposed to act like that, right?

Until now, I haven't really met anyone new in a while...

Come to think of it, I really haven't had any friends in a while...

They just all kinda...
Left...
They're not supposed to do that, are they?

I mean it was just so sudden.
I wonder how they all are.
Why did they all leave me at the same time?

It couldn't have been because of him.

Could it?

I laid on the couch, shivering and shaking, though under a blanket, tears making their way down my face, my mind absolutely racing.

I only realized I was crying when I finally escaped my thoughts.
The deep, dark pit telling me exactly why everyone left.
'They hate me. They hate me. I'm horrible. I deserve nothing.'
What broke my thoughts was the cold.
The room was so cold.
I covered almost my entire body with the blanket but it wasn't enough. I was still freezing.
I curled up as tightly as I could and simply laid there under the blanket, Jamisons words now echoing in my mind. 'Get some rest. Get some rest. Get some rest.'
And I swear I tried.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't sleep.
My thoughts engulfed me once again.
'They hate me. They hate me. I don't deserve kindness. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve love. I deserve this pain.'
I heard the door click open. With what vision I had, blurred from tears I saw someone close the door cautiously, stopping and looking at me for a second before hurrying over. Immediately upon getting to the couch they hugged me.
They were so warm.
They released me and sat next to me on the couch, pulling me right back into a hug as I cried into their...not shirt. Chest. This told me exactly who I was hugging. They weren't big enough to be Roadie, so with knowing that they're shirtless narrowed it down to one man here. Junkrat. Slowly my shivering stopped, though a slight shaking remained. He stroked my hair with his left hand, his right being placed lightly on my shoulder. I felt so safe.
"Warm" I sighed, still clinging to him.
"So I've been told. My guess is it's the radiation." He laughed "So...what's wrong Sheila?" I shook my head. I really don't want to talk about it. I mean, sure I feel guilty but...I kinda like having friends. I don't want them to learn about what my other friends did and take their example. But...maybe that would be for the best...?
I held him tighter, feeling the goosebumps from the cold return to my body.
My eyelids began to grow heavier as I slowly fell asleep clinging to the Rat.