Reality

Chapter 17

His eyes snap to mine, wide with fear. No doubt the fear of what unconsciousness may bring. Of what his subconscious will make him feel and remember.

"Hey, it's ok," I hush, plunging my fingers back into his hair, gently running my nails over his scalp.

Body still tense, he settles back in my lap, eyes full of anxiety.

"Do you want to take a bath? Maybe it will make you feel better," I suggest, even though I know ultimately nothing will truly help him in this state. But I'm willing to try anything to bring a little life back into his eyes.

I remember once when Alex confessed to me that he found baths soothing. I personally never saw the appeal of them, but I'm willing to draw him a bath to try to get him to relax, his muscles strung tight with nerves.

For a while he doesn't say anything, and I'm almost certain he didn't hear me. Before I can ask again, he nods his head and slowly removes himself from my lap, sitting up.

I take the lead, standing up from the couch and walking down the hallway to the bathroom with Alex in tow. I turn on the bathroom light and immediately go over to the tub, filling it up with warm water and soap, a generous amount of bubbles forming. When the tub is two thirds of the way full, I shut off the water and turn to Alex.

He stands in the doorway, his head hung low and shoulders sagging, looking like a lost and scared little boy.

"Ready?" I ask.

He slowly lifts his eyes to mine, and he stares at me with so much pain and sorrow it hurts to look at him.

After a beat, he reaches for the hem of his shirt, mechanically pulling it up and over his head and letting it drop to the floor. His skin is smooth and fair, and I can't help but notice how much leaner he looks since we were together. He's still pretty fit, but he's not as broad and toned as he once was.

He hooks his thumbs below the waistband of both his dark gray sweats and black boxers, pulling them down. I quickly dart my eyes away, refusing to look at him like that in such an already vulnerable state. I've seen him naked before once, and he's not self-conscious about his body at all—not that he should be—but it still seems highly inappropriate for me to look so I keep my eyes glued to the floor.

"Get in the tub, Alex," I croak out.

He brushes past me in the tiny bathroom and gets into the tub. I hear the water lap against the sides and slosh around, and once it calms I turn around to see Alex sitting in the tub. His knees are bent with his elbows resting on top of them, his arms crossed over each other. He's slightly hunched over with his head hung low, looking broken and defeated.

I swallow past the lump in my throat.

"Let me wash your hair," I say gently, sinking to my knees by the side of the tub. When he shows no sign of protest, I grab the plastic cup I keep in the tub for Hallie to wash her hair, filling it with water. "Can you tilt your head back for me?"

He slowly lifts his head, letting it fall back, the smooth lines of his neck and Adam's apple prominent. 

I let the water run through his hair and cascade down his back and shoulders, repeating the action a few more times before grabbing the bottle of shampoo. I dispense a generous amount into my hand before gently lathering it into his hair, massaging his scalp.

He lets his heavy eyelids flutter shut, his shoulders visibly relaxing.

After rinsing his hair, I awkwardly take a seat on the uncomfortable tile of the bathroom floor. Resting my forearms on the lip of the tub, I lean over a bit to try to gain Alex's attention, but his eyes have this far off look to them. It's like he's stuck in a dark memory.