Yowzah Oneshot Collection (3)

200(G)

      Home is where the heart is

                        Amie33

“Doctor River Song, for the murder of the last of the Time Lord known as the Doctor, a crime you had confessed during your trial, you were sentenced to 12,000 life times of imprisonment and have been detained in the Stormcage Containment Facility since then. The Court has reviewed your case in the light of your recent actions, and is aware that your help stopped the biggest threat this world has ever known so, in accordance with the promise that the Church made you, and with the agreement of all of its member, declares you free.”

The door bangs behind her, a heavy sound that must have made the whole planet shake, but if it sounds unpleasant and unfriendly to most of the people around, it is one of the most wonderful clangs she has ever heard. There are only a few things she likes more -the whooshing of the Tardis, the whisper of his voice, the laughter of her mother , but none of them sound like that.

She’s still in Stormcage, in the courtyard, a big circle surrounded by the walls of the prison, watchtowers all around to prevent hypothetical escapees to reach their goal : a platform at the center of the yard where spaceships can land and take off. But she doesn’t know anybody that has already ventured so far out of their cell - except her, but escaping by that way wasn’t needed.

She stares at the platform for a few minutes, unaware of the rain falling and soaking her, one hand clenched around a  tiny sack which contains the few personal things she wanted to take back with her. Clothes, books, some of her weapons and hallucinogenic lipsticks, and her old blue diary she would never leave, the memories of her life, of times she would never be able to live again and that are gone forever now.

She’s free. She says it out loud, just to hear it, as if she could make it more true that way. The word sounds strange, sweet and harsh at the same time. She has not really been imprisoned in Stormcage -she has proved that walls and wardens and weapons can’t do anything to stop her. The only reason she used to come back was because she agreed to this imprisonment a long time ago, she asked for it, to protect the love of her life (and maybe to punish herself for all the wrong things she had done, before she met him, before he changed her life and made her understand she could become a good person). She had spent her whole life in that place, except for a childhood (in New York then with Amy and Rory, and the few years at the University) but it was a long time ago -and except for the times she spent in the Tardis, or travelling on her own, or having trouble. But she used to come back, each time, every time, when everything was over she came back into her cell and spent days, weeks, sometimes even months or years before going out again, and it was the only real place that stood for home. Except for the Tardis, the Tardis that is not only home, the place of her heart, but also a part of herself, and it’s a real home, but she can’t get there whenever she wants. She has to call for the ship, and sometimes it doesn’t come at the right time, and sometimes it doesn’t come at all -and she knows those times are almost over too, because her life and his are all back to front and even if the Tardis herself will never forget her, he will, he is forgetting her already, almost not knowing her at all. Home is not home if your love doesn’t know you. And he is her love, he is her home, her real home, her one true home, but she is losing him and one day soon he’ll be gone and she will be completely homeless.

She’s free, yes, she is, but she has no place to go. She can’t call him, because maybe he won’t recognize her, or maybe he will but she knows she won’t be able to stay with him too long. She can’t see go to her parents, they are gone already and she had no time left with them. She has never had a place of her own -the orphanage, then a Silence’s place at Leadworth, a tiny room she rented when she was at the University, and Stormcage at the end. Not a single one of those places is a possibility now.