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And I See My Love Made Complete

                    riversdamsel

Pain rages under his bones and sears along the pathways of his nerves like a wildfire thirsting for fuel.  His sweaty palms brace against the cool glass floor of the TARDIS as he drags himself toward the console.  The chemicals rolling inside him seem to be reacting in the same way as the poison of the Judas tree, and the thought brings forth a short laugh as he remembers the blindingly golden light of regeneration, the soft, but deadly touch of lips, the pain of seeing those blue-green eyes void of any love for him, a pain that clawed at his hearts and had nothing to do with the poison coursing through his system, the agonizing process of death, and the kiss of life that sacrificed so many of hers- quite the first date.

His hands reach for the console, fingers gripping the edge so tight that skin strains across bone and turns his knuckles white.  With a gasp of pain, he hoists himself shakily to his feet, leaning his weight on the console as he looks up to the ceiling, “Come on, old girl.  Give me something,” the Doctor pleads, his voice a ragged whisper.

The TARDIS gives a sad hum, and when he looks down, a brand new sonic screwdriver emerges from the console.  But not so new, he thinks and he takes it in hand, admiring the blue tip.  He’s seen it before, centuries ago in a planet full of books that was inhabited by creatures that could only be described as flesh eating piranhas.

Back then he had hated everything it stood for with its red settings and biodampers- it spoke volumes about the woman who held it in her hand and wielded it as if it were her own.  She was so new to him then, and yet she knew every last thing about him.  Even his name.  It was obvious that she had a role in his future, one that he didn’t want to think about or even acknowledge, and his pride took over, constantly questioning her and the trust she had for him.

“I don't give my screwdriver to anyone ,” he had stated with frustration, but she had only smiled in response and replied with a confident, “I’m not anyone.”  And of course, she turned out to be right.  She was the daughter of two of his best friends, born with the DNA of his people and the ability to regenerate.  She had been raised to kill him, but instead fell in love and together they travelled the stars hand in hand, even if most of the time it was a little backwards.

Their nights were his favorite.  After a good dose of danger and a bit of running, they would climb into bed where skin would meet skin and declarations of love would be whispered into the night in a language only they knew.  In a tangle of sheets he would lay his head on her chest and listen to the rhythmic beat of her twin hearts as they pound underneath her ribcage- a sound that was better than any music and reminded him that he was not alone.  She was his lover, his confidant, the one person who never minded putting him in place, and yet loved him unconditionally.  She was his wife.  And all too soon, time had taken her away.

Biting back another wave of pain that threatens to pull him under, he fumbles with the clasp on the sonic screwdriver and lifts open the small compartment that holds a neural relay.  What he expected to find was five empty bars, patiently waiting to connect with a conscience, but instead the bars shine a bright green up at him, the light unwavering, and suddenly he understands.

“Take me to her,” the Doctor commands softly, his voice strained.  Levers are flipped on their own and in no time the TARDIS is on her way to the destination.  Gripping the sonic in his left hand, he notices for the first time how his ring finger slides through the golden circle attached to the handle as if it were a wedding band- how appropriate.  He stumbles down the stairs, using the railing to hold him up, and he reaches the doors just as they land.  The doors fly open just as his hand reaches for the handle, and suddenly he is face to face with River Song.

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