After The Reasons

Shes Not As Okay As She Looks

Knock. Knock. Knock. I jump at the sound and look at the clock beside my bed. 14.28. I must've fallen asleep for a while. Knock. Knock. "Coming!" I shout and stand up, running to the door. I pull the door open and my breath is taken away. "Hey, Clay." I smile and laugh a little. "Hey, Jessica." She smiles and wraps her arms around my neck. I've kept in touch with Jessica Davis over the years but I've only seen her a few times since we both left Crestmont. I hug her back, lifting her up. We both laugh as we hug, I've missed Jessica Davis! Although we didn't see each other often, we spoke weekly! "How did you get back so fast? You were in a different country!" I ask and I put her down. She smiles, "yeah, I was! I decided to come back to see my dad a few days ago, I got home last night." She explains. We both take a deep breath. Jessica turns around to come inside and stops when she sees Justin's bed. "Fuck..." she says with tears in her eyes. "I know, it's hard." She nods and takes a deep breath, shaking her head. "How are you living here? Isn't it, like, devastating?" She asks and takes a few more steps into the room. "It still smells like him!" She adds. "Jessica... this is the hardest thing I've ever done." I tell her. "I was so sure that I'd never come back to this town. That I'd never have to walk the streets of Crestmont again. That I'd never have to see this room again... but here I am. And it feels like shit!" She half laughs and shakes her head. "I officially hate this fucking town!" She laughs, as do I. "So, how have you been Jenson?" She asks in her bubbly voice. "Well, since the last time we spoke, not much different. College was awful." I say. Jessica is about to say something when the door opens and my parents walk in. "Oh, Sorry!" Dad says when he sees Jessica. "Jessica Davis! Is that you?" Mom asks with a huge smile on her face. "Hey Mrs Jenson!" She says and they both laugh and hug. Dad smiles, "hey Jessica." He says, "hi Mr Jenson!" They quickly hug. "Well, sorry to interrupt, we'll come back later, Clay." Dad says. "No, no. Don't worry about it! Stay!" Jessica says. My parents love Jessica, especially my mom. Jessica became a big part of their lives too, she was dating Justin and she was my best friend for years, she still is. Mom smiles and sits down next to Jessica but dad says that he needs to go do something in the house. He leaves, leaving me, Jessica and my mom in my room. "So, Jessica, how was college? You went to Berkeley right?" Mom asks. Jessica smiles, "No, actually, I didn't. I was planning to go there but after everything happened I decided that I needed to be far, far away from this place. I got excepted into Edinburgh College in Scotland!" She says. Jessica and I had the exact same idea, get the fuck away from this town! I went to Brown College which is 947 miles from Crestmont, and Jess got on a plane and flew to Scotland. "Scotland?! Really? Wow! How was it? Scotland is beautiful, I visited once when I was in my twenties! Very cold!" Mom practically shouts. Jessica laughs, "It was alright! The country is beautiful! It was pretty cold but I got used to it very quickly!" She replies. "It was freezing, Jess!" I laugh. Mom looks at me with her eyebrows raised. "You visited Scotland? When?" She asks, trying to keep the smile on her face but she is slightly disappointed. "Yeah. I, uh, I went a few time over the years." I say avoiding eye contact. "Clay and I definitely had the right idea! We went far away!" Jessica jokes. "Yeah! It was amazing being so far away from Crestmont wasn't it?" I continue, Jessica smiles. "Not worrying about running into anybody who knows you or what has happened to you. Being a stranger in a strange country!" I finish. "Ugh it was amazing, Clay! Nobody knew my name or what had happened to me! It was like a clean slate. Granted, I fell apart a lot!" She says. "Jess, you couldn't have been worse than me! I couldn't go to any parties because when I seen a bong, I cried!" Jessica and I burst out laughing. "Justin would've punched you for that! You were supposed to go wild in college, Jenson! He would probably have said, 'dude, you're so fucking lame!'" Jessica says and we both laugh harder. Mom just sits with a smile on her face, watching us. "Well, it's his fault that I was that lame guy who cried all the time!" I say. She smiles, "I miss him. He would've loved college!" I nod, "yeah, he would've!" We both smile at the thought of Justin in college. "I'm sorry, you cried all through college?" Mom asks. Jessica bursts into hysterical laughter and I cover my face laughing. "Yeah. Even being 947 miles away from this town, everything still reminded me of this place." I say. "We'll never escape this town, Clay. Our souls belong to this god damn town!" Jess says. "Yeah, I guess it does." I agree. "You know, we both promised that we'd never come back. We swore that this town would never bring us back... yet here we are! Back in Crestmont!" She says. I look down, "yeah... so much for that!" I say. "When did you decide that?" Mom asks. I don't want to hurt her but I won't lie. "Last year. College was finishing in a year and both of us knew we never wanted to come back to Crestmont. We swore we'd never come back and that we'd live our lives as far away from Evergreen County as we could. But I guess we're back!" I explain. Her face falls slightly, but she quickly hides it with a huge smile. "But we needed to come back now." Jessica adds. "But I'm glad because I got to see you and Mr Jenson again!" Jessica says, trying to make my mom feel better. Mom smiles at Jessica and holds her hand, "I know you have had a very hard time. You've had awful things happen to you in this town, it can't be easy coming back, Jessica." She says. Hard for just Jessica? I don't believe my mother meant to say it like that, I don't think she meant to imply that it isn't hard for me. But she did. "It's no where near as difficult for me as it is for your son, Mrs Jenson. Clay is the trooper here!" Jessica says. Trooper? I'm nothing more than a very broken guy who was forced to come back to a town that almost killed him. "This town is hell for him. I remember him telling me how much he hated being here. First, his close friend died. Second, the girl he loved died, and Hannah left tapes blaming 12 of us. Clay and I were reason number 2 and 11. He also learned that it was the girl he loved fault that his friend was dead. Then he was a suspect in the person he hated most in this worlds murder trial... leading to another horrible person from our class dying. And then... Justin died. Coming back to this town is easier for me than it is for him. I only lost a boyfriend." Jessica says. The sad thing is, what she just said is all one hundred percent true. It was one thing after another and it just got worse. "Justin was more than just your boyfriend, Jess. He was the love of your life. You're allowed to find this hard." I say. Jess smiles weakly and looks at his bed. "Clay, make sure she is okay. Her staring at my bed, that's a sign that she's not okay!" Justin says from beside me. "Jessica?" She turns back to me and gives an apologetic smile. Mom and Jessica continue talking about what Scotland was like and I listen. "She's not as happy as she's making out to be, Jenson. She was crying all the way over here." Justin says. Jessica and I are the ones who lost the most. Nobody else lost a best friend or a brother... Jeff, Hannah and Justin were just acquaintances or friends to everyone else. But me and Jess, we lost the love of our lives and our best friends. Crestmont is the town where everyone gets hurt, you either die because you can't take it anymore, or you die trying to help those who can't take it anymore. Getting out of this town is rare, very rare.