Golden

17 - You're Everywhere

"We were so in love. Nothing else mattered. We were all about each other. But when it's like that and you get your value from that, people will always disappoint you. Your girl or your dude, they're always going to disappoint you. Your full identity can't be in that person. My identity was in her. Her identity was in me." - Justin Bieber about his relationship with Selena Gomez.

Perrie❤️🌹
When are you coming over? I’ll be home by three a.m. I know it’s late but I really want to see you today

Jadey my one and only<3
Who said I was coming over?

Perrie❤️🌹
I did
We need to talk
I haven't seen you in a week

Jadey my one and only <3
I can't today, I'm working

Perrie❤️🌹
Okay. Can I swing by tomorrow?

Jadey my one and only <3
I'm busy tomorrow, sorry

The past week has been unimaginably difficult for Perrie. Album release weeks have always been busy and stressful, and she rarely has more than four hours of sleep, and this one is no different. Although on this record, she handled that pressure better than ever before because recently, she has been getting to know herself. Now, she knows how to identify an upcoming breakdown, and there is a lot she can do to minimize it, or in some cases, even avoid it. It’s great progress, and even her fans can tell, just by watching her recent interviews, that she seems much more collected. Her album will drop at midnight, and she is getting her makeup done for the release party, but she couldn’t care less about it at this point.

Jade has been avoiding her, and it hurts more than Perrie knew something so silly could. Her heart is telling her that it can’t be true, that Jade loves her, and that she is probably just imagining that they are growing apart. Perrie had a busy week, and so did Jade, and it just happened that their schedules don’t align. Looking at their communication from the past week, though, there is no way to sugarcoat the situation. Every text Perrie had sent had been answered with a short, cold answer, her calls were left unanswered, and despite her efforts to make time to see Jade, Jade was always busy.

The worst part of it all is that Perrie doesn’t know what she did wrong, what was it that made Jade distance herself like that. She already replayed all of their conversations from the past month in her head, and tried to find anything that would help her understand why Jade is feeling the way she does. It was no use, though, and the truth is that she knows Jade too well to accidentally hurt her and not even notice it. When Heidi is done painting Perrie’s face, Perrie thanks her and is already escorted to the car. She is dressed up for the release party, wearing an expensive dress and having her hair just the way she likes it, and even Alex compliments her when she gets into the car with her manager, Simon Cowell, and publicist, Simon Jones.

The men around her are satisfied from the past week and also anxious about the album release, and Perrie wishes that she could feel the same way but she just can’t do that. She never imagined a scenario, in any point in her life, where music is not her top priority. Yet here she is, right this moment, two hours before one of the things she is most proud of will become everyone’s and not only hers, and all she can think of is Jade. To Perrie, Jade is more than her girlfriend, the person she adores every little piece of, her safety. Jade is her closest, most genuine friend, and she hates the thought of hurting her. 

“Would it be okay if we made a stop at Jade’s house?” Perrie asks Alex and ignores her manager and publicist’s disapproving looks. Alex works directly for her, so there is no reason for him to disagree, and takes the first right turn in order to leave the highway. Jade’s house isn’t far, but Perrie knows adding another stop to the drive will most likely mean she will be late to the party. However, she decides it’s worth it if she’s going to get to see Jade. Once Alex parks the car in front of Jade’s apartment building, Perrie tells him to stay in the car, since she will be back in a couple of minutes, and goes inside. When she finally gets to Jade’s door, she impatiently knocks on it and waits for a response. She is aware of the fact that she didn’t let Jade know she was coming, but is certain that Jade is home, because unlike Perrie who runs as far as she can, when Jade is struggling, she stays where she is.