Oceans Hiro Hamada x reader

Chapters 11 ~ Dressed in Black

Y/N's POV

Time skip~~~
It had been about a week since Tadashi's death. I would be attending his funeral today, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet...but that's just how time is.
I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was brushed and curled gently, no makeup was worn, and I was wearing a black women's suit with a black tie and black slacks. I had put on my black converse and I stared blankly at myself in the mirror.
Worthless
I sighed and felt a hand be placed on my shoulder. I turned to see Mei quietly comforting me.
I hadn't left the dorm room the whole week, and hadn't been eating again. However, I had gotten closer with Mei and Risa as a side effect of all of this.
I gently placed my hand over hers and gave her a small smile.
"You'll be ok Y/N. Everything will be ok." She spoke to me quietly and I nodded, looking away from my reflection and down at my bandaged hands.
It was so hard for me to believe I had completely lashed out and completely destroyed everything, including my hands.
I ended up going to the doctors after Mei fixed me up and they told me a couple fingers and knuckles were fractured as well as a pair of sprained wrists. I was told to take it easy and was given some pain medication.
I turned to Mei and stared right past her, at the wall, "I'm going to head out now...I don't want to be late..."
She nodded, "I understand, I'll go put some more flowers by their memorial."
I gave a weak smile and grabbed my bag and walked out of the room. I shut the door behind me and made my way down the stairs.
Since I had liked riding with Tadashi so much, I had bought my own motorcycle. I put on my helmet and started up the engine, driving over to Gogo and Honeylemon's house.
I would be riding with them to the church via public transportation so that we could ride in one of the black cars with everyone else.
I parked out front and put my kickstand down.
My hair was a little messy and I combed through it with my fingers as I walked up the steps.
I froze at the front door.
I haven't seen them...since...
I shook the thought away and knocked on the door. I heard some locks click and it was opened, revealing Honeylemon.
"Y/N!" She spoke cheerfully and wrapped me in a hug, which I did not return.
I've never been a hugger, I don't think I've hugged anyone since before Eli...
I awkwardly patted her back and she let me go.
"Sorry. I forgot you're not a hugger, I just missed you!" She smiled brightly.
I gave a nod in response and saw Gogo come into view.
"Y/N. Been a while." She spoke.
I nodded and nervously scratched my arm.
Gogo wore a similar outfit to mine while Honeylemon was wearing a black dress with a white collar.
We headed for the church, taking trains and walking until we arrived. Slowly walking in, I took in the solemn sights.
There were pictures of Tadashi and many people, all dressed in black, talking together in small groups. I spotted Ms. Cass at the front and stared at her softly for a moment.
Should I go give my condolences?
Am I even worth being talked to?
I decided to try and talk to her and made my way over, splitting from Gogo and Honeylemon who had joined Fred and Wasabi.
"Ms. Cass?" I spoke out quietly as I approached her.
What do I even say?
My voice felt dead, "I'm...sorry for your loss...I wish I could've helped...I can't help but feel responsible...I understand if...you don't forgive me but-"
She laid a hand on my shoulder, "Don't take any blame sweetie, this wasn't your fault. Tadashi wouldn't want you to take on so much guilt."
She gave me a sad smile and I looked down at the floor. "But I-"
"Why don't you...go try and talk to Hiro? He could...really use a friend right now...I know you two were close..."
I looked up at her and my eyes showed slight fear, but I took the hint and walked away.
Stupid stupid!
Why did I have to say that?!
Ugh
That is not what a family member wants to hear at a funeral!
I looked around and spotted Hiro. He was sitting on a bench by himself, leaned over, staring at his feet.
I saw the group approaching him and I walked over to join them.
Ok
Keep you calm
My heart rate sped up along with my breathing as I approached him.
What if he doesn't want to see me?!
Or talk to me?!
I-
I can't do this!
I stepped away slowly before quickly walking away.
I can't face Hiro
I walked to a corner by myself and calmed myself down, watching the group from a distance.
My eyes rested on Hiro. He looked so hurt and broken. My heart clenched at the sight and it started to hurt. I reached up and gripped my shirt over my heart.

Time skip~~~
We were all standing around Tadashi's grave in silence. It started to rain and everyone put up their black umbrellas. I stood in the rain, letting it pummel onto me.
It was helping sooth me and settle some lost emotions.
I stared blankly at his grave as designated people shared some touching words. Everyone around me stared sadly and many were crying.
Not me. I had essentially turned off most of my emotions after the incident. It was like I was a machine that had just shut down.
I felt like a robot at least.
I felt the rain stop hitting me and looked over to see Wasabi standing next to me, holding an umbrella over my head.
No words were exchanged between us, but the gesture was a clear way of him telling me everything was going to be ok.
My heart was still hurting and I swallowed dryly.
How am I supposed to keep going
Without you?
Minutes passed and the amount of people by the grave decreased and decreased.
"Y/N, we're heading inside now, we'll all heading to Hiro's house in a bit, you coming?" Wasabi asked me.
I nodded and waved my hand giving a fake smile, "I'll be inside in a few minutes. I'd like a moment alone."
Wasabi nodded in understanding, "Do you want the umbrella?"
I shook my head and he sighed, walking away.
I waited until he was farther away before walking up to right in front of Tadashi's grave. I shoved my hands into my pockets awkwardly and stared down at the grave.
"Hey...Tadashi...well, um, this isn't what I ever expected. I always thought you'd be the one staring at my grave...heh..."
I reached up and fidgeted with a strand of hair.
"Look...I don't know what I'm supposed to do without you...I don't know how I'm even going to live. You were my inspiration for so many things."
I could feel my eyes burn, but I wasn't going to cry.
"You always reminded me of Elijah...and you were always like a brother to me. I just...I can't believe you're gone..."
I pulled at the hair strand.
"I'm really sorry Tadashi...I failed you...and now you're dead...because of me. I make tech to help fight fire and yet...I couldn't help when someone dear to me was trapped in one. I'm sorry..."
It was a struggle to not cry, but I decided nobody was going to see me cry. I didn't want the worries, I didn't deserve them.
"I'm sorry again...I broke your wish...you wanted me and Hiro to be friends and...and I messed that up too. I don't know who I'll be able to talk to and...well...I don't deserve someone caring about me but it was nice while it lasted. I'm sorry...I can't even bring myself to face Hiro. I'm just a screw up..."
I took in a sharp breath, dropping the hair strand and holding myself.
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry Tadashi...I'm sorry..."
I felt a sudden presence next to me.
I glanced to see Hiro standing next to me, staring down at the grave.
My heart rate accelerated but I ignored it and we stood in silence, staring at the grave.
I glanced over to see tears flowing down his cheeks.
I looked down at the grave again, not being able to look at him for any longer and we stayed in our silence.
We remained that way for a few minutes until Hiro was called back into the building.
Thunder quietly rumbled in the background as I looked down at the grave, giving a sad sigh.
I heard my name called out by Wasabi and I looked back at him. He gestured for me to come inside and I looked back at Tadashi's grave one last time before heading inside.