Finding Myself

56: Quinn

Seeing Riley so close to Mason again struck a nerve. I get they are friends, but it doesn't make things easier for me. I still feel a little jealous and insecure when they are together. I'm scared she will go back to him and leave me in the dust.

I know I shouldn't feel like that, but it's a thought that pops up in my head every once in a while. However, I know it would be shitty of me to hold that over Riley.

It's not right to judge someone based of of their sexuality. If I don't want anyone to base their judgement only on the fact that I'm gay I can't judge Riley for her past. I can't judge her for being with Mason, or liking guys or for possibly being bisexual. Riley is her own person, she's kind, funny, smart and amazing. She would never cheat on me, that's not her. She would also never intentionally hurt me, I know she wouldn't. Riley is of the best people in the world. She means everything to me. So, I cannot push my insecurities on her, that would be fucked up to do.

"Earth to Quinn," someone says trying to get my attention. I snap out of it and look at Megan. She's trying hard not to laugh, she probably knows what I was focusing on and why. I say sorry and do the warm up with my team.

I try to focus on practice, but I can't help but glance over at Riley in the bleachers every once in a while. Sometimes we is looking and it makes me blush and I make a mistake. Other times she is focused on her work and I wish she would look at me again. Megan playfully scolds me when I'm not paying attention which happens every ten minutes.

Finally practice ends I'm about to race over to Riley for a hug, but I'm stopped by Megan. She tells the others that she needs to talk to me about today's practice and pulls me aside so no one can hear. "Jeez can you make it anymore obvious that you're into Riley," she teases.

"Wait, do people really think that?" I panic.

"No, you guys are okay. Everyone just thinks that you two are best friends," she assures. "Would it really be bad if people were to find out though?"

"Not everyone is like you, Megan. Some people would never understand or be mean like my parents," I respond.

"Wait, what? You're parents are against you being gay?"

"Yeah, they didn't take the news well. So, I'm staying with Riley for the week until things calm down with my parents," I explain.

"Well shit, I'm so sorry, Quinn. I never thought your parents wouldn't be understanding of you. You're awesome and if they can't see it then it's their loss. Know that you'll always have an ally in me. If you ever need anything, like a place to stay, just ask," she says which makes me feel so good. The kindness that Megan is displaying is so moving and I can't help but start to tear up.

"Oh, Q. Come here," she says pulling me in for a hug. "It will be okay. Things will get better. Your parents will come around," she assures me.

"Thank you, Megan. For everything, you've done so much for me and Riley. I don't know how to repay you," I whisper.

"No need, you guys are my friends. I would do anything for you two, don't forget that," she adds. "Now, go see your girl, she looks impatient to talk to you," Megan teases.

I say bye to her and the others on the team before walking over to Riley. However, I'm stopped by someone who taps my shoulder. I turn around and face Joshua. Great, this is not at all what I wanted to deal with now.

"Hey, Quinn. How are you?" He asks.

"I'm doing good, thank you. I hope you're good too. I'm sorry, but I need to go," I try to explain.

"Oh wait, I just wanted to talk about us," he says grabbing my hand. I give him an annoyed look and he immediately let's go. However, he continues talking, "you see, we never really talked much after our date. I wanted to change that. I know the first date wasn't great, but I promise the second one will be so much better."